Dance Moms Recap, Episode 23 - "Two Girls, One Solo"

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 10 - "Viva Mexico"

Gretchen and Lauren the Horse have A LOT in common.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap, Episode 1 - "Garden State of Emergency"

Horsey Face and Chewbacca, reunited.

Princesses: Long Island Recap, Episode 1 - "You Had Me At Shalom"

Shabbat shalom, go fuck yourself.

The Real World Portland Recap, Episode 10 - "Sins of the Flesh (Eaters)

Bitches all thirsty and junk.

 

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 9 - "Speech Therapy"

That goes WHERE?!?

The Bachelorette Recap, Desiree Hartsock - Episode 1

Desiree's heart and mouth are wide open. 

 

The Real World: Portland Recap, Episode 9 - "Heartbreak Hotel"

This is the Michigan interpretation of "hipster."

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 8 - "Hot In Orange County"

Gretchen's leased Rolls-Royce that Slade "bought" her.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 7 - "Whines by Wives"

Talkin' 'bout the D-word.

12 hours ago

12 hours ago

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 6 - "A Star Is Reborn?"

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

12 hours ago

12 hours ago

Dance Moms Recap, Episode 18 - "Candy Apples Showdown"

There's no crying in robot dancing.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 5 - "The Party Is DONE"

Alexis Bellino is on Xanax, and it doesn't seem to be working.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 4 - "It's My Party and I'll Scream If I Want To"

"Check, please!" Bwahahahaha, good one!

11 hours ago

11 hours ago

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 3 - "Making Up Is Hard To Do"

Man, Denise Richards has NOT aged well.

Millionaire Matchmaker Recap Episode 13 - "The Magnificent Seth Meets Party Marty"

Marty Yacoobian says he's 32. Marty Yacoobian is a liar.

 

 

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 2 - "Evil Eyes and Evil Faces"

Woo hoo!

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Episode 1 - "Bullies and Babies"

 Ron Perlman from Beauty and the Beast preps before the ball...

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 11 - "The Olympian and the Rock Star"

I'm 48 and I must be lone-layay.

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 6 - "The Dancer and the Wrestler"

Arkan-see your junk.

The Bachelor, Sean Lowe - Hometown Dates

6 hours ago

6 hours ago

Playboy gets told.

The Bachelor, Sean Lowe - Episode 6

Last time I had a sparkle, it took antibiotics to get rid of it.

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 5 - "Alpha Females"

"Only sluts shave their legs above the knee."

The Bachelor, Sean Lowe - Episode 5

If Tierra is drama-free, then I'm Miles Davis.

12 hours ago

12 hours ago

Dance Moms, Episode 5 - "Revenge of the Replacements"

"Fatty fatty fatty fatty fatty." - Clever American Insult.

The Bachelor, Sean Lowe - Episode 4

Is that a rattlesnake crawling up Sean's pants, or is he just canoodling with the Iraqi Jamie Lynn Sigler?

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 3 - "A Tale of Two Jimmys"

We want pre-nup. We want pre-nup. Yeah.

Dance Moms, Episode 4 - "Liar Liar Dance Mom on Fire!"

Hoarding: Buried Alive - Abby Lee's garage.

The Bachelor, Sean Lowe - Episode 3

Sean's like a born-again virgin in a titty store.

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 2 - "Dr. Frankenstein & Mr. Hip Hop"

Barney designs suits?

Dance Moms, Season 3 Episode 3 - "But I'm A National Champion!"

Uh-buh-bye.

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Episode 1 - "Wounded Wally and the Mama's Boy"

Patti Stanger is the Benjamin Button of 50-something women who pursue costly youth-sustaining medical procedures.

Dance Moms, Episode 2 - "Out With The Old, In With The New"

Abby changes dancers like she changes her underwear - quarterly.

The Bachelor, Sean Lowe - Episode 1

Asexual Sean does his best non-asexual person impression.

The Challenge, Battle of the Seasons - Finale & Reunion

You lose. Whomp whomp.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 7 - "Oy, Faye!"

Right before master thespian Kyle Richards leans dramatically on the door and sighs heavily.

The Bachelorette - Ashley and JP's Wedding

"If things don't work out, Ash, I'd still fuck you." - Chris Harrison

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, Episode 11 - "Like to Move It, Move It"

Let us pray, before we talk mad shit behind each other's backs.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 6 - "She's Gone Too Far"

Secrets, secrets are no fun...

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, Episode 10 - "Woman Scorned"

Sam, making a miraculous recovery, rolls around in a tube.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 5 - "Girls Gone Ojai'ld"

An adult person who does the splits at parties is offended by the F-word.

Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 5 - "No Excuse for Excuses"

If Kim's exit means never having to see images like this again, I'm down.

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, Episode 9 - "The Chronicles of Nanyia"

This argument ends with a lesbian in a flower pot.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 4 - "Uh Oh, Somebody's Crying!"

"Somebody's crying." - Chris Isaak and Adrienne Maloof

Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 4 - "Unmoved"

FUCKING MOVE ALREADY!!!!

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 3 - "Don't Sing For Your Supper"

"You don't speak, you don't sing."

Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 3 - "Call Me Miss USA"

According to my dad, Kordell Stewart is a fatty beard.

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, Episode 8 - "Honey I'm Homeless"

Team San Diego fails in the cow nut-gobbling challenge.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 2 - "The Higher The Heel, The Closer to God"

Who let the weird smelly hippie in here?

Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 2 - "Excess Breeds Success"

Miss America 1983, Kenya Moore.