The Real World St. Thomas Episode 8 - "Hurts So Good"

Robb thinks this is a person worth burning yourself with a cigarette over.

The Real World St. Thomas, Episode 7 - "No Shirt, Boat Shoes, No Sanity"

Who needs dignity when a guy in a children's pirate hat notices you sometimes?

Bachelor Pad Season 3 - Episode 3

If Ed left, nobody else would ever be drunk enough to make out with Jaclyn.

The Real World St. Thomas, Episode 6 - "Smells Like Green Spirits"

Trey is the epitome of island style. 

Bachelor Pad, Season 3 - Episode 2

Jamie would like to switch partners, because her current partner is a lame 32-year-old virgin who can't drive.

The Real World St. Thomas Episode 5 - "Clean Break"

Alyssa makes Brandon feel like a natural woman.

Bachelor Pad Season 3 - Episode 1

The Wild n' Crazy Guy routine gets old fast.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Finale & After The Final Rose

Jef will finally earn that second F with Emily.

The Real World St. Thomas, Episode 4 - "To Pee Or Not To Pee"

Who needs feet when you look this good?

The Real World St. Thomas, Episode 3 - "Roommates Become Bedmates"

What's grosser - the girl who pops a dude's back pimples, or the guy who sits and watches?

Dance Moms Episode 6 - "How Do You Like Them Apples?"

If you fail in Ohio, you'll fail anywhere.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 9 Fantasy Dates

Now Sean can return to tending to the bodies in his backyard.

Real World: St. Thomas, Episode 2 - "99 Problems But The Beach Ain't One"

I get  a small penis vibe from Brando.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 8 Hometown Dates

Emily meets Sean's gay dad.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 7

Dance Moms Episode 3 - "I Know What You Did Last Competition"

Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 6

Wolf plays the dead grandparents card. Literally, he has a card.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 8 - "Best Friends for Never"

I don't want to know what she's planning on doing with those fingers. Ok, yes I do.

Dance Moms Episode 2 - "Night of the Living Dancers**

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 5

Sean Lowe is sweet Aryan perfection.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 4

"If there's grass on the field, play ball" and other charming witticisms.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 6 - "Uncivil Union"

Rosie Pierri shares the shocking news that she is a lesbian.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 3

Dollywood is like Disney World, only shittier.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 2

Cross-promotion makes me horny.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 1

Cinderella was destitute and a bad dresser, you idiot.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 4 - "Drowning Pool"

Melissa Gorga is a good woman because she puts towels on kids.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 3 - "Third Eye Blind"

Third eye blind.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 2 - "Poker Face"

This one's for Lebanon, bitch.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 1 - "High Tide, Low Blow"

Juicy Joe smells a rat.

Dance Moms Episode 13 - "Abbygeddon"

Dance Moms Episode 12 - "Waiting for Joffrey"

Dance Moms Episode 11 - "Melissa Pleads the Fifth"

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes Episode 8 - "On the Wings of Love"

This is the most power CT and Diem will ever have in their sad lives.

Dance Moms, Episode 10 - "Miami Heat Wave"

Nia forgives and forgets.

The Bachelor, Ben Flajink - The Final Rose Finale

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes Episode 7 - "Love and Marriage"

Dance Moms Episode 9 - "Topless Showgirls"

You can leave your fan on.

The Bachelor, Ben Flajnik - "The Women Tell All"

One of the ones who got away. Thankfully.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes Episode 6 - "Tainted Love"

It's not cheating until the body shots start.

Dance Moms Episode 8 - "The Runaway Mom"

Cathy brings shame on the great state of Ohio.

The Bachelor, Ben Flajnik - Episode 9

The creature from the film "Splice" visits Switzerland!

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes, Episode 5 - "Crazy in Love"

Important life decisions are best made drunk.

Real Housewives of Orange County Episode 3- "The Honeymoon is Over"

The women are anxious to find out wtf a "Timree" is.

Dance Moms Episode 7 - "Bullets and Ballet"

MuAH!

The Bachelor, Ben Flajnik - Hometown Dates Episode 8

Kacie B's mom has the face of a young Cloris Leachman, but the values of an old Wilford Brimley.

Jersey Shore Episode 7- Love at the Jersey Shore

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes Episode 4 - "Love the Way You Lie"

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Real Housewives of Orange County Episode 2- "Southern Hospitality"

Finger-kissin' and tit-grabbin' aboard the Catalina Express.

Dance Moms Episode 6 - "Wardrobe Malfunctions"

Nothin' says Texas Hospitality like a cold gymnasium floor.

The Bachelor, Ben Flajnik - Episode 7

Somewhere, LL Cool J is wondering why he wasn't invited...