Showing posts with label Catfish: The TV Show. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Catfish: The TV Show. Show all posts
Saturday, January 25, 2020
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Catfish: The TV Show Recap, Season 3, Episode 1 - "Miracle and Javonni"
Nev and Twitter enthusiast Charlamagne skype with Miracle...
MIRACLE - Hi. I am named Miracle and I'm from Milwaukee.
NEV SCHULMAN - Funny, I would consider it a miracle to not be from Milwaukee.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - Shut up. It's cool here.
NEV SCHULMAN - Sorry.
MIRACLE - The real miracle is that my mom thought her baby bump was crack constipation, and then I come out looking like Keisha Knight Pulliam.
NEV SCHULMAN - So tell us about Javonni.
MIRACLE - Well, he's in the "music industry".
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - I like how you already added the quotes around that so we didn't have to.
NEV SCHULMAN - **starts to cry** This is where Max would have really lost his shit.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - Keep it together, Nev.
NEV SCHULMAN - I just... miss him.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - He's with Zach Efron now.
NEV SCHULMAN - **wails harder** Not... **sobs** helping...
After "research", Nev and Carlamagne go to Miracle's place...
NEV SCHULMAN - That was a rough day of reverse Google-image searching.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - Tell me about it. My phalanges have turned to jelly.
MIRACLE - So? Are you gonna tell me the results or are you just going to stare at my daughter's sneaker collection?
NEV SCHULMAN - Both?
MIRACLE - That's fine.
They drive to "Rickie Witherspoon's" house...
NEV SCHULMAN - Are you Javonni?
RICKIE WITHERSPOON - Come inside.
NEV SCHULMAN - Why don't you tell us first?
RICKIE WITHERSPOON - Just come inside.
MIRACLE - Maybe we shouldn't, Nev. Jeffrey Dahmer lived in Milwaukee.
NEV SCHULMAN - I'm from New York. I don't know your local "celebrities".
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - I know I often say I want to get eaten, but this isn't what I meant.
NEV SCHULMAN - Onward!
Rickey leads them to his wife...
KARA - Hi. I have lupus.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - Quite an introduction.
KARA - And I'm Javonni.
NEV SCHULMAN - Whoa.
MIRACLE -To be honest, I'd rather it be you than him. **points to Rickie**
RICKIE WITHERSPOON - Damn. That stings.
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - Why'd you do it?
KARA - Well, my friend's wife was cheating so I made a fake profile to catch her but then I became popular and starting flirting with every Tom Dick and Dianne and then -
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - I'm sorry I asked.
MIRACLE - How could you do this to me? I work for the state!
KARA - So does Scott Walker. Don't flatter yourself.
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The next day, they meet with Kara...
CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD - Are you, like, a lesbian?
NEV SCHULMAN - **starts to cry** That is so a Max question.
KARA - I've always been curious about women.
MIRACLE - That explains your husband's luscious breasts.
RICKIE WITHERSPOON - Rude.
MIRACLE - Well, I guess we can still be friends.
KARA - Friends who have phone sex that eventually progresses into in-person sex?
MIRACLE - No.
KARA - Ok, ok. Just checking.
THE END.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
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Thursday, June 12, 2014
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Thursday, May 22, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
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Wednesday, October 16, 2013
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Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
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