Jeopardy Recap - June 21, 2022 - Megan, Rob, and Jenny

MAYIM BIALIK - Good afternoon! In honor of Juneteenth, I'm wearing old curtains in the style of Miss Scarlett O'Hara!

JENNY - Didn't she, like, own slaves?

ROB - And wasn't Juneteenth two days ago? 

MAYIM - I'd expect that kind of woke-ism from budget Paris Geller over there, but from you, Rob? People your age are supposed to be blaming Biden for gas prices on Facebook. 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Mayim, I've gotten word from Wardrobe that they don't want to take responsibility for the outfit you chose today. 

MAYIM - Oh great. Wardrobe are libtards, too?

PRODUCER MICHAEL - They're saying it's because it's ugly.  

MAYIM - Ahem. Moving on. The first category is Children's Books. 

MEGAN - What is War and Peace?

MAYIM - That's not a children's book.

MEGAN - For me, it was. 

JENNY - **under breath** Fucking nerd. 

MEGAN - I heard that. 

MAYIM - Next up - black women! 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Oh god, this could go so terribly wrong.

MAYIM - **shows photo of Tamron Hall** Who is this black woman?

MEGAN - Rosa Parks? 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - I want to die. 

MAYIM - Even I know it's probably best to move on. The category is Transplants. This St. Louis-born singer, dancer and actress lived in France. 

MEGAN - Maya Angelou. 

MAYIM - No.

MEGAN - Toni Morrison

MAYIM - The category isn't even black women anymore! Stop guessing random black women!

JENNY - You've got a problem hearing the names of black women? 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Missing Mike Richards more and more by the second. 

MAYIM - Let's meet our contestants. Rob, you look like a cross between Ric Okasek and Richard Belzer.

ROB - Is... that a question?

MAYIM - Nope! Jenny, you are a preschool teacher. Isn't that INTERESTING!?

JENNY - I feel like you're mocking me.

MAYIM - Would a neuroscientist mock a professional ass-wiper of our impressionable, incontinent youth? 

MEGAN- Can you ask a question now that proves I know who Zendaya is? 

MAYIM - We'd save a lot of time if you'd just buy a box of Nice N' Easy in Nutmeg. 

JENNY - Can we wrap this up? I've experienced enough ageism, racism and classism for one nationally-televised day.

MAYIM - What I wouldn't give to change places with Richard Dawson right now. And he's dead. Final Jeopardy category is Geography Words.

ROB - It better be isthmus. I love to say isthmus.

MAYIM - It's not isthmus. 

JENNY - Avuncular? 

MAYIM - ... No.

MEGAN- Archipelago!

MAYIM - Yes! You've now beaten Rob by two dollars, the amount of money Richard Dawson used to slip pretty moms and aunts to rub on their fannies under the bright Survey lights. 

ROB - God damn it. I put on my best Jerry Seinfeld-branded blazer and black crewneck for this shit? 

THE END

Jeopardy Recap - June 20, 2022 - Megan, Ketty and Toby

MAYIM BIALIK  - Today, on Jeopardy, we'll be hearing from Attachment Parenting expert Apple Bohannan, and learning why allowing your husband to sleep in your bed with you more than twice a fiscal quarter leads to penis envy in your male-identifying children.

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Mayim, they gave Kelly Clarkson the talk show. Not you. This is Jeopardy.

MAYIM - Can't we at least let Apple bring out the rubber breast for the tween suckling demo? 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - No.

MAYIM - Well, Michael is INSISTING that this is Jeopardy. Let's first meet Toby, who has been to 50 countries and 47 states.

TOBY - That's right. FUCK KENTUCKY, NEBRASKA AND CLEVELAND.

MAYIM - Some strong feelings about states there.

MEGAN - Cleveland is a city.

MAYIM - **laughs nervously** I know that! Don't you think I know that? 

KETTY - I once swam with sharks.

MAYIM - It's already clear from that red peekaboo camisole that you're a risk-taker. 

MEGAN - Slut shaming! 

MAYIM - Leave it to "graying gracefully" over here to trot out the third wave platitudes. 

MEGAN - **buzzes** Eustachian tube! 

MAYIM - I hadn't asked a question yet, but since it reminds me of a funny co-sleeping story, I'll give it to you. You see, in 2009, my baby was - 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Mayim.

MAYIM - What, are you involved with Big Crib or something? Fine. Contestants, give me some horse idioms.

MEGAN -  Riding bareback. Riding side saddle. Reverse cowgirl. 

TOBY - Alright, alright, alright.

MAYIM - Down, Toby. 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Thank god for these socially distanced podiums.

MAYIM -Next, let's talk air travel. What's the difference between a layover and a stopover? 

TOBY - With a layover you have two hours to wait in the airport bathroom with a "wide stance." With a stopover, you have four hours.

MAYIM - That is... not right. Serves me right for giving an open-ended question. Ketty, you've got a daily double! What is JoJo Siwa's sign?

KETTY - What is Capricorn?

MAYIM - EEEEEEHHHH. It's Taurus. Good luck facing your folks at home after that humiliation. 

MEGAN - What's a JoJo Siwa?

MAYIM - WE GET IT, YOU HAVE GRAY HAIR. 

PRODUCER MICHAEL - Mayim, Belgium is the next category, but don't forget what you promised.

MAYIM - That I would never attempt my flawless French accent in honor of my predecessor Alex Trebek unless the date on the calendar happenes to be June 20, 2022?

PRODUCER MICHAEL - You know what? Let's skip the Belgium catetory. 

MAYIM - TV mashups! What do you get when you cross Phil Collins's daughter with Al Bundy's wife? 

TOBY - Pegging Emily? 

KETTY - This guy is starting to make me uncomfortable. 

MAYIM - As someone whose son still asks for "mommy treats" despite having five o'clock shadow every morning, me too. Me too. 

MEGAN - What are the chances that Final Jeopardy can be about Piracy? That was the subject of my PHD disseration.

MAYIM - I have one thing to say: ARRRRRRRGHHH NO. 

KETTY - That doesn't even make - 

MAYIM - I don't need your judgement, Nevada. Final Jeopardy is about British History.

KETTY - Yeah, like you said, I'm from Nevada.

MEGAN - Edward Teach? Pink Beard? Captain Jack Sparrow?

TOBY - FUCK CLEVELAND!

MAYIM - Whelp, looks like Megan won today with a whopping $491. Might even be able to fly home in a window seat with that. 

THE END.