Summer House Recap, Season 3, Episode 1 - "Elephant in the Room"

Lindsay and Danielle meet in "the city" before driving to the Hamptons...

LINDSAY HUBBARD - I need some rosé, girl! Being a public relations rep for a laundromat in the "Big Apple" is soooo stressful.

DANIELLE OLIVERA - Oh, wow. You look, um, different.

LINDSAY HUBBARD - Oh, these old things?

DANIELLE OLIVERA - More like those new things.

LINDSAY HUBBARD - Just bench presses and Victoria's Secret.

DANIELLE OLIVERA - And I'm an interesting person.




At the house, Kyle and Amanda discuss how Lindsay and Danielle unfollowed Amanda on social media...

KYLE COOKE - Those bitches still follow The Fat Jewish, for fuck's sake.

AMANDA BATULA - They still follow Boo, and Boo's dead!

KYLE COOKE - This will not stand. I know what I have to do.

AMANDA BATULA - Confront them face to face?

KYLE COOKE - What year is this, 1987? I will write them a 17-page email.

AMANDA BATULA - Lindsay's never read anything longer than the instructions on a box of Nice 'n Easy Born Blonde.

KYLE COOKE - Eh, I've got time on my hands. The free-balling shorts business has been slow, shockingly.





Carl arrives at the house...

CARL RADKE - It's me, Carl. I'm a changed man.

KYLE COOKE - Teeth whitening is a big step, but I wouldn't go as far as "changed man".

CARL RADKE - I'm no longer a fuck boy. Now I wait at least 30 minutes after having sex with a woman before I have sex with a different woman.

LAUREN WIRKUS - **appears, throws a cake in Carl's face** 

CARL RADKE - I thought you weren't on the show this season.

LAUREN WIRKUS - I'm not. I've been living in the bushes, waiting for the opportunity to seek vengeance on behalf of all womankind.

CARL RADKE - Your face has been looking significantly less Michael Jackson-y lately.

LAUREN WIRKUS - **pulls down her pants.** Take me now.

CARL RADKE - Ok. **they do it**





Lindsay and Danielle arrive at the house to find Amanda cooking...

LINDSAY HUBBARD - Oh, you're chopping vegetables.

KYLE COOKE - Yeah, now that we're a COUPLE we're super MATURE and do things like chop vegetables.

AMANDA BATULA - We thought we'd have dinner at the house tonight.

LINDSAY HUBBARD - Aw, man. This puts us in a tough spot. My high-profile client The Wiener Wagon offered us free tater bites with the purchase of a jumbo wiener boat.

AMANDA BATULA - I mean, I've been slaving over a hot stove all day, but if you really want to go -

LINDSAY HUBBARD - Bye. **Danielle, Carl, Lindsay and Hannah leave**




The lame people eat dinner at the house...

KYLE COOKE - This is soooooo much better than going out in the Hamptons on a Friday night, right, everybody?

PAIGE DESORBO - You know how my parents are so Catholic they don't let me use tampons? They're more fun than this dinner.

HANNAH BERNER - I wish I was Monica Seles right now.

AMANDA BATULA - Aw, she's your tennis idol?

HANNAH BERNER - WHEN SHE WAS BEING STABBED.

JORDAN VERROI - Guys, perk up. We have asparagus. We can smell each other's pee in an hour to see if the rumor is true.

KYLE COOKE - Who the fuck is this guy?

AMANDA BATULA - The bar for "Stephen Replacement" was set pretty low.

KYLE COOKE - I see that.




After their night out, Lindsay, Danielle, and Hannah hit the hot tub...

LINDSAY HUBBARD - Stick with us, instead of those young, beautiful people, and you'll really go places.

DANIELLE OLIVERA - Places like The Wiener Wagon.

HANNAH BERNER - I did enjoy those tater bites.

LINDSAY HUBBARD - See, we unfollowed Amanda because they keep posing as the perfect couple, but Kyle cheated on her while he was blacked out.

HANNAH BERNER - So, if he was blacked out, to his knowledge, they're still the perfect couple?

DANIELLE OLIVERA -Hmmm, you're sure starting to sound like one of the young, beautiful people in the house.

HANNAH BERNER - No, please, I didn't mean it!

LINDSAY HUBBARD - You're learning, Grasshopper. Very good.


To be continued...