At JD's restaurant Sermets...
KATHRYN CALHOUN DENNIS - Welcome, guests. Do enjoy yourselves.
THOMAS RAVENNEL - Dude, shut up. You haven't done shit for this event.
KATHRYN CALHOUN DENNIS - You told me not to!
THOMAS RAVENNEL - Not here, god dammit. Women I used to fuck are in attendance. **clears throat** Friends, I've gathered you all here tonight because I have an announcement to make.
SHEP ROSE - You're finally gonna buy the cow? Moo!
CRAIG CONOVER - Planning to make an honest woman of this tramp?
CAMERAN EUBANKS - Putting a ring on it, and by "it" I mean that swollen school marm's fat finger?
THOMAS RAVENNEL - Sorry, no to all of the above. I'm going to run against Lindsay Graham for senate and effectively wipe my asshole an hour after Kathryn's mayo salmon with hundred dollar bills.
**awkward silence**
THOMAS RAVENNEL - Hello? I'm going to be the next United States Senator from South Carolina.
SHEP ROSE - Good Cabernet, JD. Chewy.
Whitney practices with "his band" Rebon...
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - Sweet rifs, bro!
BANDMATE I - Uh, thanks.
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - But listen, homies, I gotta "bounce".
BANDMATE II - Time for a Boniva break?
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - If Boniva is a really cool drug that rock stars take, then totally! Catch you on the flip side, mothertruckers. **leaves**
BANDMATE I - Who the fuck is that old dude?
BANDMATE II - My gay uncle takes his mom to parties sometimes. She slipped me a hundo.
BANDMATE II - My gay uncle takes his mom to parties sometimes. She slipped me a hundo.
Patricia interviews a second potential butler at her home...
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - I require a gin martini after my third attempted bowel movement of the afternoon.
INTERVIEWING BUTLER - Oh, I can do that. My last client wanted Old Fashioneds whenever she fell in the tub.
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - **enters** Hello, Mother.
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - What's with the sunglasses?
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - I'm just sooooo hungover from the crazy partying I always do.
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - Well, you're a boy. You can get away with it. Miss Kathryn "Beef Curtains" Calhoun Dennis, on the other hand...
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - How do you know she has beef curtains???
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - Can't everyone see her fatty jowls?
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - Oh, right, Mother. Beef Curtains.
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - So those boys in Boner Spelled Backwards are being nice to you, right? If not, I want my damn money back.
WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH - Money? What money?
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - Er... uh...
INTERVIEWING BUTLER - Your gin martini, Madame.
PATRICIA ALTSCHUL - Ahh, saved by Mr. Belvedere. You're hired.
Shep has a drink with Landan on her boat...
SHEP ROSE - So do you still talk to any of the old crew? Jimmy? Snacks? B-Hole Brown?
LANDAN CLEMENTS - Hahahahaha.
SHEP ROSE - I heard the same thing about ol' B-Hole. Damn shame.
LANDAN CLEMENTS - Haha.
SHEP ROSE - Aw, man. You're bringing up your divorce again?
LANDAN CLEMENTS - Hahahahahaha.
SHEP ROSE - I know. But we're here for you. I'm here for you.
LANDAN CLEMENTS - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DOCK WORKER - Sir, I couldn't help but overhear you conversing with this woman who does not seem to speak in words.
SHEP ROSE - She speaks fine. She's just such a "cool girl" that to the untrained ear her every word sounds like laughter.
DOCK WORKER - How does one get that ear-training?
SHEP ROSE - You couldn't afford it, bro.
THE END.
No comments:
Post a Comment