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| Kristen Doute. |
Kristen and James go to lunch...
WAITRESS - What kind of toppings on your pizza, sir?
KRISTEN DOUTE - It's "Miss". Surprise me. If you picked it, I'll love it.
WAITRESS - Aw. Has anybody ever told you that you have the charm of a braying rabid donkey?
KRISTEN DOUTE - Every day. **to James** So, I talked to Miami Girl. She's gonna be in town next week.
JAMES KENNEDY - The track I'm making for Scheana is pretty dope, mate.
KRISTEN DOUTE - I can't wait for her to confront Tom at SUR in front of everybody.
JAMES KENNEDY - It's some of my best work. Even better than the Bar Mitzvah intro I made for my chiropractor's son.
KRISTEN DOUTE - Then Ariana's going to dump him and he'll sprint back to my sagging bosom.
JAMES KENNEDY - Scheana's porn rap really elevates it to "Barbie Girl" status. Move aside, Aqua.
KRISTEN DOUTE - He'll ask to do it on the couch I fucked Jax on, and I'll be happy to oblige.
JAMES KENNEDY - I have to find a way to take a Beemer selfie that accounts for the beats coming out of my system. Maybe I'll use Microsoft Paint to draw in some musical notes.
WAITRESS - **serves the food** Has anybody ever told you guys that your complete indifference to one another makes your relationship of convenience almost enviable?
KRISTEN DOUTE - Every day.
Peter takes Vail on a date...
PETER MADRIGAL - **to waitress** We'll have a bottle of wine.
VAIL BLOOM - Wine?!?
PETER MADRIGAL - Right. This is a wine bar. It's even called "The Wine Bar."
VAIL BLOOM - I thought this was a coffee date.
PETER MADRIGAL -If we planned to meet at Starbucks, I could see how you would reach that conclusion.
VAIL BLOOM - Hey, Mister. Don't you forget that I went to Princeton.
PETER MADRIGAL - Did you acquire a degree there, or just that thing on your lip?
VAIL BLOOM - Both. It was a productive seven years.
PETER MADRIGAL - Well, let's toast. To cleaning your sheets with Lysol once every fiscal quarter.
VAIL BLOOM -To cleaning your sh - wait, what?
Jax meets up with Carmen...
JAX TAYLOR - You're the best sex I've ever had.
CARMEN DICKMAN - You're not bad yourself, despite your penis dangling from a diseased thread.
JAX TAYLOR - Hey, that thread allows me to experiment in some interesting ways.
CARMEN DICKMAN - Well, I guess we'll see each other at the Annoying-Boring wedding.
JAX TAYLOR - If you're not bringing anyone, and I'm not bringing anyone...
CARMEN DICKMAN - I think I'd prefer to go stag, thanks.
JAX TAYLOR - I was actually going to suggest we each bring a homeless person and then have a foursome later on in the evening.
CARMEN DICKMAN - Never change, Jax.
JAX TAYLOR - I never do. **forwards his credit card bill to his dad**
Stassi meets with Katie...
STASSI SCHROEDER - You strayed from the party line, and I can never forget that.
KATIE MALONEY - Please don't make political metaphors. It won't end well.
STASSI SCHROEDER - Katie, I'm mature now. I wear Duggar-length hemlines, and toss aside bitches who ain't loyal.
KATIE MALONEY - I can still be your friend and go to events affiliated with the Annoying-Boring wedding. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.
STASSI SCHROEDER - Yes, they are, you ingrate. I can't believe I waxed my asshole while you watched.
KATIE MALONEY - Me neither. That shit took up the better part of an afternoon.
STASSI SCHROEDER - **starts to cry** I guess it's just me and my boyfriend now.
KATIE MALONEY - So... it's just you?
STASSI SCHROEDER - He's real!
KATIE MALONEY - Sure. Just like Jax's clean bill of health from the clinic is real.
To be continued....
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