Vanderpump Rules Recap, Season 3, Episode 1 - "Instafight"

Scheana Marie.

Scheana approaches Katie in the kitchen of SUR...

SCHEANA MARIE - Katie, I would like to cordially invite you to my birthday party. It's at 9 pm this evening.

KATIE MALONEY - Oh, great. I'm free tonight.

SCHEANA MARIE - You just have to, like, try not to say horrible things about me to my face.

KATIE MALONEY - That was the orange-haired Katie. Brown-haired Katie can control herself.

SCHEANA MARIE - Awesome! Oh - I almost forgot, it's actually at 8 pm.

KATIE MALONEY - You dumb stupid-movie-quote-tattoo-having CUNT!

**silence**

KATIE MALONEY - Maybe I'll skip the party.

SCHEANA MARIE - Ok.

Kristen talks to Scheana in the kitchen...

KRISTEN DOUTE - Scheana, I have to talk to you.

SCHEANA MARIE -  I told everybody at the last staff meeting. It's a quote, ok? From Almost Famous.

KRISTEN DOUTE - No, not about your stupid movie quote tattoo. It's about Tom, who cheated on Ariana with an Instagram lady who had her period.

SCHEANA MARIE - Why do you even care?

KRISTEN DOUTE - I don't. See? **grabs James, makes out with him while fondling his privates**

SCHEANA MARIE - Ew. We're in a kitchen.

KRISTEN DOUTE - Well, I had to show you how much I don't care. **Scheana starts to walk away**

JAMES KENNEDY - Wow, feeling frisky tonight, eh? **goes in for another kiss**

KRISTEN DOUTE - **pushes him away** Get the fuck off me.

Stassi arrives back in Los Angeles and meets with Lisa at PUMP...

LISA VANDERPUMP - Let me guess. Bravo didn't want to give you and your XM Radio boyfriend your own NYC spin-off, so you're back to try to weasel on to my show.

STASSI SCHROEDER - You're good.

LISA VANDERPUMP - I'm afraid there's no room for you at SUR.

STASSI SCHROEDER -  Fine. Besides, I'm about growth, which I've seen very little of from your current employees.

LISA VANDERPUMP - Jax has plenty of growths.

STASSI SCHROEDER - True.

At Scheana's birthday party at Mixology...

JAMES KENNEDY - Yo yo yo, it's DJ Beemer on the ones and twos!

KRISTEN DOUTE - Can you take a quick break from embarrassing yourself to help me order drinks?

JAMES KENNEDY - I guess, if we can talk about the Instagram lady being on her period.

KRISTEN DOUTE - Always. **they go to the bar**

TOM SANDOVAL - Kristen?

KRISTEN DOUTE - Is somebody speaking, James?

JAMES KENNEDY -  Just a plebe with a Honda Civic.

TOM SANDOVAL - Kristen, I'd like to talk about the rumor you've been starting.

JAMES KENNEDY -  Kristen hasn't got time for Honda Civic drivers.

TOM SANDOVAL - I'll even buy you a drink, if you'll talk to me.

JAMES KENNEDY - Someone with a Honda Civic can afford drinks?

TOM SANDOVAL - THEY ARE RELIABLE VEHICLES WITH AMAZING GAS MILEAGE! **takes a swing at James**

To be continued...