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| Jeff |
Nev and Max meet Jeff in Jacksonville, Florida...
JEFF - I'm in love with an internet person named Megan. Also, I'm in the military, but not in the cool way where you get to be an officer.
MAX JOSEPH - So in the dumb way where even community colleges would claim they were "at capacity"?
JEFF - Right.
NEV SCHULMAN - What first attracted you to Megan?
JEFF - Her Siberian Husky.
MAX JOSEPH -Ah, so she's into the natural look, Seventies-style.
JEFF - And how even when people are mean to her, she's still nice to them.
MAX JOSEPH - And she's a sub? You got a keeper on your hands.
NEV SCHULMAN - Have you sent her any... Richard pics?
JEFF - Who is Richard? I don't know anybody named Richard.
MAX JOSEPH - Johnson pics, bro.
JEFF - Mrs. Johnson, my speech pathology coach? Haven't seen her in years.
NEV SCHULMAN -Your PENIS, Jeff.
JEFF - Oh. Yes, of course. With my face in it, like you're supposed to.
NEV SCHULMAN - Ugh. **hangs his head in his hands**
JEFF - Is that bad?
NEV SCHULMAN - Husky memes on Megan's page, Husky memes on Brandy's page. Aaaaand our research is done.
MAX JOSEPH - Totes.
NEV SCHULMAN - So are you ready to go to Dallas, then?
MAX JOSEPH - Yep! Let's do it!
NEV SCHULMAN - No "let's." You're going, and I'm going to stay here to make sure Jeff can tie his shoes.
MAX JOSEPH - Wait... I have to go ALONE? I want to stay here with you, Nev!
NEV SCHULMAN - You can do it.
MAX JOSEPH - No no no not without YOU!
NEV SCHULMAN - If you do it we'll get you fitted for skinny jeans.
MAX JOSEPH - Anybody got a plastic baggy for my liquids?
In Dallas...
MAX JOSEPH - Here I am. At a suuuuper creeeeepy 90s-era suburban apartment complex
PRODUCER - Take it easy, Bear Grylls.
MAX JOSEPH - You try narrating on your own, asshole! **throws camera at him**
BRANDY TITTLE - Hi.
MAX JOSEPH - Brandy? You're not so bad!
BRANDY TITTLE - Gee, thanks.
MAX JOSEPH - I mean, usually when we get fat people, they're, like, fat people.
BRANDY TITTLE -You can stop now.
MAX JOSEPH - Sorry.
In Jacksonville, Brandy meets Jeff...
MAX JOSEPH - Here, wear this sweatshirt to really make you unattractive.
BRANDY TITTLE - Ok. **puts it on over her dress**
JEFF - Megan would never wear a... a... sweatshirt. **spits in disgust**
BRANDY TITTLE - I'm sorry. I was once in an abusive relationship and find comfort in outerwear.
JEFF - Why did you do this to me? I'd never hurt a fly. Iraqis, sure, but not flies.
BRANDY TITTLE - Everything was true. Except for the nurse thing. And the thin pictures. And my family emergency.
JEFF - Do you even have a Siberian husky?
BRANDY TITTLE - It's an Alaskan husky.
JEFF - LIES!!!
NEV SCHULMAN - **takes Jeff aside** Hey, man. I don't see a line of girls outside your place.
JEFF - When do girls ever line up, except for the bathroom?
MAX JOSEPH - Not the brightest one we've ever had.
NEV SCHULMAN - What I meant to say is NOONE ELSE WANTS TO FUCK YOU SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO FOR BRANDY.
JEFF - Oh. Ok.
THE END.
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