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| Kelly Killoren Bensimon |
After the Saratoga trip, Luann hosts a luncheon to raise money for cancer...
COUNTESS LUANN - It's been a rough week, especially for those with a penchant for baby doll dresses that a slight breeze can send over your head.
SONJA MORGAN - What can I say?
COUNTESS LUANN - But we're all here to kick cancer's butt, including my very special surprise guest!
HEATHER THOMSON - I hope it's Akon.
COUNTESS LUANN - Straight from Bellevue, please welcome... Kelly Killoren Bensimon!
KELLY BENSIMON - Satchels of gold. I'm up here, you're down there. Jellybeans. Beer n' trucks. Close your eyes.
RAMONA SINGER - Oh christ.
AVIVA DRESCHER - She sounds delightfully disconnected from reality. I'll have what she's having.
COUNTESS LUANN - It's a $500 dress.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Damn it. Fine.
A speaker shares her heartbreaking story while the Housewives giggle at their table...
SPEAKER - My mother had cancer.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Read this text. My father had a threesome with Cody and Miss USA!
SPEAKER - It was traumatizing for me and the whole family.
AVIVA DRESCHER - He said she has nipples in places you wouldn't even think to look!
SPEAKER - She was a loving, classy, and respectful older woman.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Ha! My dad, the pervert. Such a cut up.
COUNTESS LUANN - NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR PEDO DAD. Now please listen to this nice lady talk about cancer.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Geez. Somebody hasn't had her testosterone shot yet today.
Sonja and Kristen get facials with Sakoto Yamazaki at Sonja's townhouse...
SONJA MORGAN - Sorry I'm late. I was fucking the guy who pretends to work at Port Authority and then asks for tips.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - That's ok. I like your hat.
SAKOTO THE FACIALIST - I hear you have sex with all of Aerosmith, and the Countess likes to go to church with little French men.
SONJA MORGAN - Yep. All true.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - What?! This all sounds like salacious gossip to me.
SAKOTO THE FACIALIST -- I hear your husband is Jewish Alfred E. Neuman who loves running in mud.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Ok, this chick's good.
At Aviva's apartment...
COUNTESS LUANN - I think you planted Miss USA at my ladies' luncheon so you could bring attention to your George Hamilton-with-an-overbite father.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Oh yeah? Your daughter's painting is nasty trash!
COUNTESS LUANN - It fits right in at this house! And you still owe her $45 for it.
AVIVA DRESCHER - I'll give her a check if I can find her. She's always passed out in bushes, so it's hard.
RAMONA SINGER - Ladies, ladies, PLEASE! I interrogated Miss USA at length, and my findings are not consistent with that of a threesome.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Oh whatever. Look at you people, trying to disparage my father's active and fascinating sex life.
REID DRESCHER - I wish you took this much of an interest in our sex life.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Hit the road, Dad jeans.
To be continued...
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