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| Kristen Taekman |
Carole meets with "friends" in Los Angeles...
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Hey girls! Ready to drink mimosas and talk about DATING? Brunch! Sex! Shoes!
YOUNG PERSON I - Oh, definitely!
YOUNG PERSON II - **whispers** Why does this weird chick in her fifties keep hanging out with us?
YOUNG PERSON I - She's cool. She's friends with my grandpa.
Sonja visits Josh and Kristen's rental apartment...
SONJA MORGAN - Oh. Your place is so... downtown.
JOSH TAEKMAN - I invited you here to talk about your business plan.
SONJA MORGAN - It's simple. Buy Nigerian Football Team, have sex with players on Nigerian Football Team.
JOSH TAEKMAN - What happened to the toaster?
SONJA MORGAN - You can't fuck a toaster, Josh.
JOSH TAEKMAN - Well, you've certainly got me there.
Heather invites the couples to dinner...
HEATHER THOMSON - I want to invite you ladies on a weekend getaway.
MARIO SINGER - You mean my wife will be gone and I can fuck my mistress all weekend? SWEET!
RAMONA SINGER - **glares**
MARIO SINGER - Kidding. Maybe we'll do it for an hour, tops.
HEATHER THOMSON - It's in the Berkshires.
RAMONA SINGER - Oh god, if anyone there tells me I have a pretty mouth...
HEATHER THOMSON - I don't think there's much of a risk of anyone ever saying that to you.
JOSH TAEKMAN - I met with Sonja this week. She lacks focus, and might have a developmental disorder of some kind.
RAMONA SINGER -That's not nice.
COUNTESS LUANN - Didn't you have the exact same conversation with her last week?
RAMONA'S GUSBAND (GAY HUSBAND) - You can't talk to her like that!
HEATHER THOMSON - Who the fuck ARE you?
MARIO SINGER - Hey, somebody's got to keep her busy while I'm fucking my mistress for hours.
RAMONA SINGER - **glares**
MARIO SINGER - Kidding. Like ten minutes, tops.
In the Berkshires...
RAMONA SINGER - I must admit, this garage is much nicer than the one Sonja lives next to.
HEATHER THOMSON - And for that, you'll be sleeping in the room with the creepy dolls.
SONJA MORGAN - **hears doorbell** Oh! The air conditioner is here!
RAMONA SINGER - Hello, UPS driver. Please install the unit upstairs.
UPS DRIVER - I don't do installations. I'm just a driver.
SONJA MORGAN - We'll show you our pussies.
UPS DRIVER - Where do you want it?
Ramona and Sonja canoe on the lake while Kristen eavesdrops...
RAMONA SINGER - And then Josh starting making fun of you, and even Linebacker Lu was laughing.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - **pops out from under boat** Surprise! **splashes her**
RAMONA SINGER - We got blowouts, bitch! **throws glass**
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - OH, MY NOSE! Er, MY LIP!
COUNTESS LUANN - Don't worry, I used to be a nurse before I married an old man for his money.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'm so over this. I'm diving into the water where I can "be cool." And yes, that was a double meaning.
RAMONA SINGER - Whoops.
HEATHER THOMSON - Look what you did, you little jerk.
RAMONA SINGER - Whatever. The scar will make her more relatable to people in Milwaukee.
To be continued...
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