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| Vicki Gunvalson |
Vicki visits Briana and Troy...
VICKI GUNVALSON - Ah, the old get pregnant again so no one expects you to get a job trick. Crafty.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - It's not like I'm a Bellino or something. Besides my husband being a controlling dick.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Classless trash.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Why did you really come here? I've got a 500-square-foot starter condo to not clean.
VICKI GUNVALSON - My therapist said I should invite you to everything, even when Brooks is there.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - I'll never set foot in a room with that abuser again.
VICKI GUNVALSON - He's not an abuser! He just suggested that Ryan abuse you. Big difference.
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - I've spent enough time with toothless Ned Beatty to know I don't like him.
VICKI GUNVALSON - You've only met him twice!
BRIANA WOLFSMITH CULBERSON - Exactly! Wait, where's Troy?
VICKI GUNVALSON - If you're going to be a Gunvalson mother, you've really got to learn to let your infants wander around and rub up against knives.
At Shannon's dinner party...
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - We should do shots, even though I'm not much of a drinker. I mean, there was that time in Cabo. And at my gym opening. And at Heather's name change party. And just about every day that I draw breath.
SHANNON BEADOR - Ok, here goes.**pours comically large vodka shot**
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - There's more liquid in that than in Heather's face!
HEATHER DUBROW - Excuse me, it's hyaluronic acid. Get it right.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Geez, somebody needs to get the stick out of her likely-surgically-modified-in-some-way ass.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Hey, I have a great idea out of my own brain that was not suggested by the producers - everybody could come to my house for Thanksgiving! If you're willing to go inland, of course.
DAVID BEADOR - **100% obviously joking** Inland, ew.
SHANNON BEADOR - YOU FUCKER. YOU STUPID FUCKER.
**awkward silence**
SHANNON BEADOR - Beef, anyone?
Outside...
EDDIE JUDGE - Great weather we're having, huh?
HEATHER DUBROW - Your wife wants to have a baby with you because she only gets to see her kids half the time. She cries about it everyday. Bye!
Heather and Terry ride in a limo home...
TERRY DUBROW - What's wrong?
HEATHER DUBROW - You'll just say I'm too sensitive, like that time I had to be committed to the psych ward after the Ocean Club overcooked my salmon.
TERRY DUBROW - Of course not. Tell me what's bothering you and I'll inject a vial when we get home.
HEATHER DUBROW - I heard Tamra say.... I heard her say... that I had a stick up my rear end!
TERRY DUBROW - You don't need them, Heather. Just think about the time we met, when your only criteria for a mate was that he be Jewish and cut people up for money.
HEATHER DUBROW - Ok. **thinks** Nah, it's not helping.
Tamra and Heather meet for strip mall sushi...
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - What's the occasion? Did Collette finally murder your other kids?
HEATHER DUBROW - No. I'm here to tell you that you and Vicki interrupt me all the time and talk about slender branches in my orifices, and I don't like it.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Well, you always give us interesting facts, like the names of trees and appropriate wine temperatures. This is Orange County - we don't like learning things here!
HEATHER DUBROW - I'm sorry.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - Me too. **sips her water** Wait, that's it? You didn't hide Gretchen to pop out and throw ugly purses at me?
HEATHER DUBROW - Nope.
TAMRA BARNEY JUDGE - You are so getting kicked off next season.
THE END.
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