Jenna |
In the kitchen...
JAY - I'm so cool, I'm a flirt-o-holic!
JAMIE - **listens to voicemail on house phone** Hi Jamie, it's me. Call me back. **approaches Jay** Jay, a GIRL left a message for you.
JAY - That's not possible. I only give women a private burner number. I'd never give them the household number.
JENNA - Waaaaaa.
JAMIE - Look what you did, you little jerk.
JAY - Look what you did!!! Spend less time getting involved in our relationship and more time researching gauge removal procedures.
JAMIE - I believe in LOVE!
JAY - You also seem to heavily believe in Svedka.
JAMIE - You got me there.
Thomas's twin Stephen arrives...
THOMAS - Hey, less-attractive twin!
STEPHEN - Hey, more-attractive-but-still-kind-of-weird-looking-without-hair-obscuring-his-features twin!
CORY - Look at you two. It's like you never left the womb.
THOMAS - Hey, it's dark in here!
STEPHEN - Hahahahahahaha!
CORY - Aw. I'd give anything to be a chromosome that split into 47 chromosomes.
THOMAS - I'm not sure that's how it works.
CORY - So much for dermatology.
Jenny and Brian talk in the bedroom...
JENNY - I'm going out with Trashley tonight.
BRIAN - But I invested my heart within you.
JENNY - Someone invested his heart within Lauren, and she had to go back to Michigan.
ASHLEY - Hay gurl haaaaay! Ready to go to Vessel?
BRIAN - I'm the only vessel Jenny needs. A vessel of understanding and compassion.
ASHLEY - Who the eff is this guy?
JENNY - Oh, the producers asked our exes to come live with us and now we all sleep in one room like we're in West Virginia or something.
ASHLEY - Excuse me?
JENNY - Er, Tennessee?
ASHLEY - Better.
Thomas talks with Hailey...
THOMAS - Stephen and I think you should leave.
HAILEY - People haven't had to leave the Real World for slapping since Denver.
STEPHEN - Well, this isn't Denver.
THOMAS - Thank God. Lol, listen to me! I'm such a San Fran local now.
HAILEY - Why does Stephen even get a say?
STEPHEN - I support Thomas physically in everything he does, even including sexual things.
JAMIE - It's true. Let's just say I'm worn out.
HAILEY - Fine, I'll go. **goes to producer room** Excuse me, producer? I'd like to leave.
PRODUCER - I really think it's best for ratings if you stay. I meant, best for YOU if you stay. Yeah.
HAILEY - Nah, I'm ready. I miss Dallas and Neiman Marcus. Or at least standing outside Neiman Marcus with my face pressed against the glass.
PRODUCER - Fine, but this means you can never ever ever be on the Challenge.
HAILEY - Believe it or not, that's a loss I think I can withstand.
Jenna and Jay go on their first date...
JENNA - This is so romantic. Me, and you, outside of a house together.
JAY - What can I say? I'm the Sam to your Ronnie.
JENNA - Maybe we could get ice cream after this?
JAY - Let's not go overboard.
JENNA - I guess I'll take what I can get, as a good-looking young woman dating a tan Keebler Elf.
JAY - I have a question for you. After two years of not having sex with anybody else and attending funerals of families members as a couple... will you be my girlfriend?
JENNA - I don't think so. PSYCH! Of course I'll go out with you.
JAY - Oh you! You're just the funniest.
The End.
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