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| Carole Radziwill |
BookGate begins at a restaurant...
AVIVA DRESCHER - I wanted to sit down with you and pick your brain. You've got some years on me, and I'm hoping you can show me the way -
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Don't start that shit with me.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Sorry. So, I'm writing a book that's mainly focused on limbs being severed and 85-year-old men showing their dicks to people at Barnes & Noble.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Like a modern day Ulysses.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Exactly! Wait, who's Ulysses?
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Nevermind.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Maybe you could help me out? Your ghostwriter could meet with my ghostwriter, we can sip tea while we watch them talk, maybe get pedicures?
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Suggesting I have a ghostwriter is like me asking you if a surrogate birthed your children.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Her name is Juanita Thomas and she lives in Oregon.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Oh.
Aviva meets up with Ramona...
AVIVA DRESCHER - Well, now that we did a tequila shot together, we're basically sisters. So I feel like I can trust you.
RAMONA SINGER - If siblings are based on who you've done shots with, I have about three thousand brothers and sisters.
AVIVA DRESCHER - I accused Carole of having a ghostwriter, and she's, like, pissed.
RAMONA SINGER - I don't know if I should be hearing this. It's very gossipy.
**silence**
RAMONA SINGER - I didn't mean that please tell me everything right now.
Heather and Kristen get together with their families...
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - Kingsley's legs don't work. We're not sure if she'll ever be able to walk.
HEATHER THOMSON - Jax turned yellow and almost died before a 25-year-old man died first and donated his liver.
KRISTEN TAEKMAN - This is so fun! We should really get together more often!
HEATHER THOMSON - I know!
Harry Dubin takes Sonja out...
SONJA MORGAN - I never thought you'd entertain me somewhere that's not the bathtub.
HARRY DUBIN - I wouldn't want you to get pruny. Well, I wouldn't want the parts of you that are not already pruny to get pruny.
SONJA MORGAN - Oh, you. You could charm the pants off a donkey.
HARRY DUBIN - It's a nice change of pace to be with a woman who's not studying for her SATs.
SONJA MORGAN - I bet it's also a nice change of pace to be with a woman with 25 million dollars.
HARRY DUBIN - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHA.
SONJA MORGAN - What's so funny?
HARRY DUBIN - Nothing. It's just hearing you claim to have 25 million-dollars combined with the visible Sharpie stain on your purse has me in stitches.
SONJA MORGAN - Not cool, Harry.
HARRY DUBIN - I'm sorry. Let's get the check and head to the tub.
SONJA MORGAN - I'll have one of my interns heat up the water on the stove.
At Aviva's housewarming party...
AVIVA DRESCHER - Hey, what are you all doing in my bedroom? LOL! Look at me, being so loose and jovial!
RAMONA SINGER - I gotta say, that was a good one, Veev.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Can I talk to you?
AVIVA DRESCHER - If it's about veneers I'd rather have that conversation in private.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - It's not, but ok. **they go to a private room** I heard you're telling people I have a ghostwriter. The only time I've even uttered the word "ghostwriter" was while sitting down to the 1992 PBS series for tweens and talking to myself.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Who do you think you are, John Grisham?
CAROLE RADZIWILL - It is so very telling that he's your go-to author for this conversation.
AVIVA DRESCHER - My agent told me the truth, and I trust him. He presents a small yet tasteful banner for me every time I walk in the room.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - I'm a real author! Six companies were bidding for my book, five of which are based out of basements in an exurb of a mid-sized city!
AVIVA DRESCHER - Are you calling me a liar?
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Yes! I don't expect somebody who's never worked outside the home to understand why this upsets me so much.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Being a full-time mom IS work! I don't get paid, nor am I supervised or evaluated in any way, but I wear smart pant suits.
CAROLE RADZIWILL - Speaking of pants, a family therapist circa 1977 called. She wants her outfit back.
AVIVA DRESCHER - Now you've gone too far.
To be continued...
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