Arielle's girlfriend Ashley arrives...
ARIELLE - I missed you so much.
LESBIAN ASHLEY - It'll be awesome when I move in here in eight days.
ARIELLE - What?
LESBIAN ASHLEY - Shit. Nothing. Wanna scissor?
ARIELLE - Is grass green?
LESBIAN ASHLEY - Not this grass...**pulls down pants**
At the club...
JENNY - It's my birthday, booty poppin' in the spotlight, oh yeah oh yeah. **shakes nipple tassels**
THOMAS - That's mad disrespectful of her, yo.
CORY - Yep. After all I've done for her, including pushing her out of the confessional, having sex with her in a bear suit, and yelling at her for dancing with girls.
THOMAS - Where's the gratitude?
RANDO OSCAR - **to Jenny** I'm Oscar. I like your nipple tassels.
JENNY - Thanks! Instead of you buying me a shot for my birthday, I'll buy you a shot for my birthday!
CORY - You'll never get this back, baby! Remember how I couldn't make you orgasm when we hit it on the second night? NEVER AGAIN.
After a night out with Ashley...
ASHLEY - Welcome to my city, where the hipsters shun me but I get free mocktails at the 18 and under clubs.
JAMIE - Well, thanks for a great night out.
ASHLEY - None of you respect all the hard work it takes to get you to clubs you could find on Yelp.
ARIELLE - I am very grateful. I really enjoyed my Shirley Temple.
ASHLEY - Fuck all of you! **throws purse**
After Jay leaves for his mother's funeral...
THOMAS - Bummer about Jay's mom.
ARIELLE - Yeah.
JAMIE - You guys wanna go out and party? **they do**
The next morning...
ASHLEY - Where's my purse? My whole life is in there!
CORY - Did you check under the plants?
ASHLEY - Duh, that's the first place you look when you lose things.
ROBOT PRODUCER - **calls on house phone** Are you looking for your purse?
ASHLEY - My whole life is in there. Social security card, AAA membership, Daughters of West Virginia Punch Card for One Free Pepperoni Roll...
ROBOT PRODUCER - You threw it on the floor. Goodbye.
ASHLEY - **finds purse, never comes back**
Jay comes back...
JAY - Well, that sucked. But I'm back, and ready to keep serving as a peripheral character on a low-rated reality show. **phone rings** Hello?
ASHLEY - Hi. It's Ashley. I realize only five percent of people on Earth get to be on the Real World, and that I am bad at estimating percentages. Can I come home?
**Roommates are all shaking their heads**
JAY - Yeah, I don't think so.
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