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| Keyonnah |
In Cameron, North Carolina...
KEYONNAH - Welcome to my humble abode.
NEV SCHULMAN - There's nothing humble about that 22 inch flatscreen you got over there.
MAX JOSEPH - Unless it's being supported by two Fisher Price doll chairs.
NEV SCHULMAN - Maybe it's a commentary on capitalism.
MAX JOSEPH - Intriguing theory.
KEYONNAH - Guys, can we focus on the task at hand here? Next thing I know you're gonna be asking me about my aunt.
NEV SCHULMAN - Wait, aunt? What's an aunt?
MAX JOSEPH - You know, like your mom's sister or whatever.
NEV SCHULMAN - You mean "ant"? That's how I pronounce it.
MAX JOSEPH - No, it's aunt.
KEYONNAH - SHUT UP AND BRING BOW WOW TO ME, YOU NEUROTIC NERDS!!!
MAX JOSEPH - Damn. She's serious.
After gorging themselves at Marietta Diner, Max and Nev sit down with Keyonnah...
NEV SCHULMAN - So tell us how you became online lovers with Lil' Bow Wow.
KEYONNAH - It's just Bow Wow now. No "Lil". Which is appropriate because he's sent me pictures of his -
NEV SCHULMAN - Ahem. I get it, thanks.
KEYONNAH - We've never skyped or anything, but he told me that whenever he scratches his nose on 106 and Park, it's a message for me.
NEV SCHULMAN - And what is that message?
KEYONNAH - I didn't ask.
MAX JOSEPH - Pretty deep relationship.
KEYONNAH - You joke, but he gave me ten thousand dollars. Anybody ever do that for you?
MAX JOSEPH - My uncle after he was fatally attacked by doll chairs. **looks at flatscreen** I need to get the eff out of this house.
At a Portuguese yogurt shop...
NEV SCHULMAN - Let's call the one person who ever gives us the time of day at MTV and see if she knows what's up with Bow Wow.
MAX JOSEPH - Wait, there's someone at MTV who gives us the time of day?
NEV SCHULMAN - Yeah, the chick who puts out the bagels at craft services. **calls** Hi, Bagel Lady? This is Nev.
BAGEL LADY - Who?
NEV SCHULMAN - From Catfish?
BAGEL LADY - What?
NEV SCHULMAN - Nevermind. Does Bow Wow have an assistant named Larry Brown?
BAGEL LADY - No, his name is Ant.
KEYONNAH - **appears from behind the counter** STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT AUNTS!!!
Max, Nev, and Keyonnah arrive at "Bow Wow's cousin's house" in Atlanta...
DEE - Sup.
KEYONNAH - Omg, it's a pre-pubescent boy.
DEE - I wish.
NEV SCHULMAN - So you're a lesbian?
DEE - Don't let the lambskin dildo fool you. It's certainly fooled others.
KEYONNAH - Oh God, I'm the Chloe Sevigny to this person's Hilary Swank!
DEE - Aw yeah.
MAX JOSEPH - Um, prepubescent lesbian person, or whatever?
DEE - Call me Dee. Dee Pimpin'.
MAX JOSEPH - Dee Pimpin', why did you pretend to be Bow Wow to entice a straight girl?
DEE - Because it works. **winks at Keyonnah**
KEYONNAH - Ok, I just felt a shiver. I can see how that works.
NEV SCHULMAN - How were you able to get ten grand to give to Keyonnah?
DEE - Didn't you hear the second part of my name? Pimpin'.
MAX JOSEPH - Great. How illuminating.
DEE - My cousin Larry helps out here and there.
LARRY BROWN - Hey.
NEV SCHULMAN - Why on earth would you get yourself involved in this?
LARRY BROWN - I happen to be an entrepreneur in the lambskin dildo business. Somebody's got to test this shit.
KEYONNAH - Can we go back to North Carolina now?
NEV SCHULMAN - Yes, Petey Pablo. We can.
THE END.
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