 |
| What in the taters is up with that hat?!?! |
After a night of partyin', partyin', Jemmye and Camila talk shit on their exes...
JEMMYE - Knight and Johnny are basically the same person, except Knight looks like a lady gym teacher made of dough.
CAMILA - You're right! They are both brainwashed by the diabolical manipulator Frank!
FRANK - **overhearing** Sweet, I've never been called anything in my life besides "gaylord."
JOHNNY BANANAS - Those New Hampshire kids can be very cruel.
CAMILA - YOU GONNA DIE, JOHNNY!!!!!!
JOHNNY BANANAS - What'd I say? Do you have a cousin in New Hampshire or something?
CAMILA - FUCK YOU, JOHNNY!!!!!
JOHNNY BANANAS - What's her problem?
ANEESA - Maybe all those times you said she needed to be muzzled and wrapped in a straight jacket and sent to that island off the East Coast they sent Leonardo DiCaprio to have finally sunk in.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Some people are so touchy.
The next day, at the challenge...
TJ LAVIN - Teams, remember the episode of Sex And The City where Carrie takes trapeze lessons at the Trapeze School New York, and can't help but wonder if falling in love is just like falling through the air?
**Silence**
TJ LAVIN - Just me? You guys are missing out. Anyway, today is going to be just like that, except not in New York, not over a net, and not on premium cable.
WES - Very apt comparison, I see.
TJ LAVIN - Yep. Cara Maria, why don't you guys go first so we can start our day off with a good laugh?
CARA MARIA - Ok! **falls in the water, can't swim so they lose**
COOKE - Jesus fucking christ.
CARA MARIA - Sorry. Not knowing how to swim is part of my S & M role-playing with Abram. He holds me underwater until I pass out, and then kisses me back to life.
COOKE - Sounds like an Evanescence song I once heard.
The girls approach Frank about voting...
PAULA WALNUTS - Frank, you've gotta vote for Jonna and Nany. We're so close to only having white girls left.
FRANK - I sympathize with your quest for an Aryan finals team, but I just can't. I helped her when she was homeless.
DIEM - Doesn't that mean she owes you something?
FRANK - Don't you have an East Coast low-IQ cock in a bucket hat to be teasing?
DIEM - Low blow.
FRANK - Sorry, guys The name Jonna will never come out of my mouth.
In the voting circle, the teams vote...
FRANK - Jonna.
JONNA - Motherfucker.
In the arena...
JONNA - **spotting Frank** Cool headband, asshole.
FRANK - Just because I chose you to go home doesn't mean I want you to go home.
JONNA - Ooooohhkaaaay...
TJ LAVIN - Teams, the arena today involves fighting with sticks while blindfolded.
CARA MARIA - Hell yeah, it does. **touches herself**
COOKE - Here's the plan. Left means right. Right means down. Up means go. Lavender means jump.
CARA MARIA - Got it! **goes to fight against Nany**
COOKE - Left! Go! Lavender! Joffrey Baratheon! Tickles!
CARA MARIA - **wandering around, confused** Uh, I don't know if we discussed all of these coded directional commands...
COOKE - Butter dumps. Butter dumps, Cara Maria, BUTTER DUMPS!!!
CARA MARIA - **miraculously, she wins** Holy bestiality nuggets. We did it!
COOKE - See? It's all about communication.
THE END.
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