 |
| Let's talk about the sex we've never had, baby. |
At the White residence...
ASHLEE WHITE - Thank you, girls, for coming to my slumber party. If anybody needs anything, my dad's in the sleeping bag to Chanel's left.
HAL WHITE - Hi, ladies. Shake it!
ASHLEE WHITE - Let's play never have I ever. Dad, cover your ears.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Never have I ever caught my boyfriend jerking off to gay submission porn. **Amanda drinks**
CHANEL OMARI - Awww girl! Ok, my turn. Never have I ever cried on every single episode of a television show I've been on. **Chanel drinks**
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Ooooh, no you diint!
ASHLEE WHITE - My turn. Dad, are you listening?
HAL WHITE - No, darling.
ASHLEE WHITE - Never ever have I had sex.
**Silence**
CHANEL OMARI - Like, ever?
ASHLEE WHITE - Ever. **drinks**
HAL WHITE - That's my girl!
CHANEL OMARI - Shit just got real.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - I'd love to be able to say I'm surprised.
At a restaurant, Marcos and Ashlee sit down across from Jeff and Amanda...
JEFF HOFFMAN - **making out with Amanda, does not notice Marcos and Ashlee have arrived** We have company, my baby.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Oh, sorry! I was thinking about Jeff's crack hair and had to have him right then and there.
JEFF HOFFMAN - Aw. My baby.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Ashlee, meet Marcos. He's a big figure in the Great Neck Tuesday happy hour karaoke scene.
MARCOS - Nice-ah to a-meet-ah you.
AMANDA BERTONCINI He comes with many amenities, like a soda stream and not one, but two quesadilla makers.
ASHLEE WHITE - Whoa.
MARCOS - I was also responsible for the Cessna crash in the Hamptons last summer that killed two people. But I made it!
ASHLEE WHITE - I can see that! **whispers to Amanda** Hubba hubba!
AMANDA BERTONCINI - I know, right?
MARCOS - What do you say we take this party to Senior Saturdays at the discotheque?
ASHLEE WHITE - We say - sure!
MARCOS - **dances with old ladies at the club**
ASHLEE WHITE - When I said I wanted an old man, I didn't mean the kind that enjoys the company of people his own age. It's disgusting, frankly. **leaves**
At the Gimbel household...
ERICA GIMBEL - Mom, Dad, are you excited about Rob coming to dinner?
ERICA'S DAD - Eh.
ERICA'S MOM - I'm largely indifferent. He's just a regular guy.
ERICA GIMBEL - I guess we all feel the same way. I'll call him to cancel.
Casey helps Chanel prepare for her sister's wedding...
CHANEL OMARI - Help! I'm working on a speech for my sister's wedding and I have writer's block! Now I know how Hemingway must have felt.
CASEY COHEN - What do you have so far?
CHANEL OMARI - "For those who don't know me, I am the proud sister of our glamorous bride."
CASEY COHEN - Yeesh.
CHANEL OMARI - I need your advice! You're our cool friend "making it" in the big city.
CASEY COHEN - It's true. My advice is to take the speech and make it about you. Your failures in life and love, etc etc.
CHANEL OMARI - That's.... Genius.
CASEY COHEN - Yep. You get a lot of inspiration, living in the Big Apple.
Joey and her dad have a breakfast meeting...
JOEY LAUREN - I made you some eggs.
JOEY'S DAD - You got ninety days to get the fuck out of here.
JOEY LAUREN - Dad, Rome wasn't built in a day.
JOEY'S DAD - Yeah, and if you can't slap together some shitty lip gloss in three years, you've got bigger problems than some Brutus dude .
JOEY LAUREN - I don't get it.
JOEY'S DAD - The point is, leave me and my new family alone.
JOEY LAUREN - **starts to cry**
JOEY'S DAD - Oy, here we go again.
THE END.
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