Amanda and Babs get ready to hit the club...
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Ma, I'm gonna get so low at the club you're not even gonna see me.
BABS - Oh yeah? I'm gonna get so low I'll be in the basement!
AMANDA BERTONCINI - I know I shouldn't encourage your mid-life crisis behavior, but that was fucking hilarious.
BABS - You really think so? Validation from someone your age is more valuable than Spanx.
TAYLOR, AMANDA'S SISTER - **enters room** Oh Christ. Mom, are you really going to a club with your daughter? In a slutty dress that looks like a mirror, no less?
BABS - Excuse me, I'm single! **examines her bloated stomach**
TAYLOR - I wonder why.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Hahahaha.
TAYLOR - Like you should talk. You're such a beard that Abraham Lincoln's chin is jealous.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Are you calling my boyfriend gay?
TAYLOR - Yes.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - You might be on to something there.
Amanda and Babs meet Erica at the club...
ERICA GIMBEL - Ugh, it's so hot in here!
RANDO DUDE - You're hot.
ERICA GIMBEL - **giggles** Tee hee hee.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Erica, watch yourself. You have a boyfriend. His name is Rob.
ERICA GIMBEL - What? I'm just flirting.
RANDO DUDE - Here, let me take your underpants off. It'll cool you.
ERICA GIMBEL - K.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - ERICA!
ERICA GIMBEL - What? I'm just letting a rando dude take off my underpants in a public space.
RANDO DUDE - Why don't we just have sex right here?
ERICA GIMBEL - Sure, why not?
AMANDA BERTONCINI - Seriously, Erica! What about Rob?!
ERICA GIMBEL - What? I'm just having sex on a show my boyfriend will surely watch three months down the road.
RANDO DUDE - **to Amanda** Hey, cock block, take a stroll.
AMANDA BERTONCINI - I miss Jeff.
On the way to Adult Jewish Single Camp...
ASHEE WHITE - **answering phone** Hello?
HAL WHITE, ASHLEE'S DAD - Darling, it's been seven minutes since our last call and your mother and I are schvitzing with worry about you.
ASHLEE WHITE - Don't worry, daddy, I have the engagement ring you bought me to keep me safe.
HAL WHITE - Ok, but I'm concerned your Adult Jewish Single Camp might be cancelled because of the weather.
ASHLEE WHITE - Daddy, nothing could keep men away from 30-something entitled whiny Jewish women who skipped the custom of sophomore year nose jobs.
HAL WHITE - You're right. **hangs up**
ASHLEE WHITE - **phone rings again** Daddy, thank god you called back. You forgot to say you loved me!
ADULT JEWISH SINGLE CAMP DIRECTOR - This is Adult Jewish Single Camp Director. Adult Jewish Single Camp is cancelled. **hangs up**
ASHLEE WHITE - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Chanel, Joey, Casey, and Ashlee party in New Milford, CT...
CHANEL OMARI - I'm gonna take so many shots I'll forget I planned to marry somebody I only knew for 10 months.
JOEY LAUREN - I'm gonna drink so much I'll forget I saw hummus on a waiter's wiener yesterday.
CASEY COHEN - And I'm gonna get so drunk I'm going to sit in a chair and read BuzzFeed on my phone.
ASHLEE WHITE - **approaches bartender** Are you Jewish?
BARTENDER - Ew, FUCK NO!
ASHLEE WHITE - You're so much hotter than me that I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. **makes out**
THE END
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