Alexis Bellino is on Xanax, and it doesn't seem to be working. |
Lydia meets with Alexis after the big fight at CUT...
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Interesting headband.
ALEXIS BELLINO - Thank you. God told me this morning that it was time to spice up my accessories.
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Weird. He never says stuff like that to me.
ALEXIS BELLINO - You're just not devout enough, I guess. Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about the children around the world who are bullied.
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - Ok. I read the other day that a kid with an eye patch in upstate New York was given a swirlie, and then they -
ALEXIS BELLINO - No, I meant the adult children whose dinner companions don't even make eye contact unless they're criticizing the way you always talk about your six cars!!!! I mean, can the adult children HELP IT that they have six cars??!?!
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - I'm not sure if that's really bullying, though...
ALEXIS BELLINO - I HAD TO GO ON XANAX, LYDIA!
LYDIA MCLAUGHLIN - But the difference is that bullied kids don't have access to drugs and medications to help them cope.
ALEXIS BELLINO - You obviously didn't grow up in Missouri.
Vicki visits with her family from the Midwest...
VICKI'S MOM - Hey der, Vickster. If I had my car gun I'd put it to your head and demand you find a man that's not a flamer.
VICKI'S BROTHER, BILLY - Amen to dat, mah. Hey, anybody want a brat?
VICKI'S SISTER - I do. Yah know, all da dudes here are sooooo gay.
VICKI GUNVALSON - Guys, Donn's not coming back. Get over it.
VICKI'S MOM - Geez. Somebody needs a Coors. **she and the siblings all toast, leaving Vicki out. It is the story of her life**
Brianna's husband Ryan visits with Uncle Billy...
RYAN CULBERSON - As someone who moved in because I couldn't afford to live anywhere else, I need Vicki to know that I'm the man of the house.
UNCLE BILLY - Uh huh.
RYAN CULBERSON - I'm in charge now. If I want to set booby traps for the gardener, if I want to ban her from dating, if I want to tear every fleur de lis off the wall, I get to do it. But if she still wants to cook me dinner, that's cool, too.
UNCLE BILLY - Sure.
RYAN CULBERSON - Here's why I won't let Brooks into my house, Billy. He asked me if some Mexican prostitutes looked "worth it."
BILLY - So, did ya buy 'em, er what?
RYAN CULBERSON - Of course. But still... he shouldn't have asked me that.
Tamra and Eddie eat at a Mexican restaurant...
EDDIE JUDGE - Mmmm. I love guacamole.
TAMRA BARNEY - Getting in touch with your inner beaner, huh?
EDDIE JUDGE - That reminds me - I don't think I want to get married anymore.
TAMRA BARNEY - Was it because I just called you a beaner?
EDDIE JUDGE - Yes.
TAMRA BARNEY - Dios mio. You people are so touchy.
The End.
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