 |
| Sean's like a born-again virgin in a titty store. |
Out on the romantic driveway...
SEAN LOWE - Look, your dog is here.
SARAH - Aw. Why would you do something so nice for me?
SEAN LOWE - Well, I felt bad for you, cuz, uh... You know.
**silence**
SARAH - My arm?
SEAN LOWE - Yeah. And then it sucked that you had to stay home from the beach volleyball tournament, cuz, uh... Ahem.
SARAH - Because I'm missing an arm?
SEAN LOWE - Right.
SARAH - So you're being kind to me because you feel bad for me?
SEAN LOWE - Well... Yeah.
SARAH - You know what amputees really miss out on in life?
SEAN LOWE - What?
SARAH - Diamond earrings. Birkin bags. Ducatis. Maseratis.
SEAN LOWE - Sure, I can get those for you. I mean, I don't see how any of those are specific to amputees, but sure.
SARAH - Thanks! **Winks**
At Six Flags with AshLee F...
SEAN LOWE - I brought some special guests to spend the day with us!
ASHLEE F - Omg. My parents?
SEAN LOWE - Nope.
ASHLEE F - Shelly and Deb?
SEAN LOWE - No. I've never even heard of those people.
ASHLEE F - Holy cow... do I get to see my dog, too?!?
SEAN LOWE - Better. Two sick chicks who you don't know.
ASHLEE F - Oh.
SEAN LOWE - Gee, I figured since you keep trotting out that adoption story that you had a keen sense of empathy.
ASHLEE F - Nah. It's really all I have to talk about.
SEAN LOWE - Well, we still have to spend the day with them.
ASHLEE F - Whatever. **under her breath** This fuckin' blows.
Lesley and Sean meet on Hollywood Boulevard...
CHRIS HARRISON - Sean, Lesley. The two of you are going to set the world's record for longest on-screen kiss.
LESLEY - What about longest on-screen 69?
CHRIS HARRISON - ABC is a family network, but feel free to pursue your dreams elsewhere.
**they kiss for three minutes, and then retreat to the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel**
SEAN LOWE - Tell me about yourself.
LESLEY - Family. Family. Fam-irino. Fam fam foo.
SEAN LOWE - So you're into your family, huh?
LESLEY - Fam-you know it!
SEAN LOWE - That one was a stretch.
LESLEY - Famtastic.
SEAN LOWE - Ok, that's enough now.
LESLEY - Sorry.
Back at the house...
TIERRA - **sees no one is around, stamps feet loudly and lays on the ground** AHHHHH! I've fallen and it might be challenging to get up!
SEAN LOWE - **rushes to her side** She's down! Tierra is on the cold, hard... tierra!
TIERRA - Sean! I had no idea you were scheduled to show up for AshLee's date at 12:15 pm sharp! I'm so embarrassed!
SEAN LOWE - Don't be. The medics are on their way.
TIERRA - Uh... medics? Does ABC cover ambulance expenses?
SEAN LOWE - Nope. It's in your contract.
TIERRA - **jumps up** It's a Christmas miracle! **sings and dances** "Do you believe in magic?" Woot!
At the rose ceremony...
SEAN LOWE - Kacie, can I pull you aside?
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Not if it's to send me home.
SEAN LOWE - Well, it is. **silence** So...
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Ugh, fine. So what was it? That my face is hideously tan? That my hair was too frizzy at the beach? That my taters are just so, so small?
SEAN LOWE - Yes, to all those. But mostly because you inserted yourself into the drama between Desiree and Amanda.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - But at least I inserted myself! Isn't that what you want? Someone who's aggressive and goes for it?
SEAN LOWE - That's "asserted". Not inserted.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Oh. Well, bye. **joins Taryn and Kristy in the Reject Limo**
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