 |
| Sam, making a miraculous recovery, rolls around in a tube. |
Dustin and Trishelle continue their disagreement while laying in bunk beds...
DUSTIN ZITO - You heard me, Trishelle. Pack your bags.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - But tonight Chet's making bulgur pilaf.
DUSTIN ZITO - Really? Damn. Ok, I'll stay.
CHET CANNON - I want to make a joke about a special yogurt sauce that Dustin will especially appreciate, but the Angel Moroni is telling me to restrain myself.
DUSTIN ZITO - You're a good man, Chet. FYI - I voted for Romney.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - **strokes the "Chet" written on Chet's hat** Chet, you should know that I'm very liberal when it comes to televised hook-ups. You may remember that I made out with both Vanilla Ice and Andy Dick on VH1's "The Surreal Life."
CHET CANNON - I actually don't remember. I was in the third grade.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Once you've had a taste of Rob Van Vinkle, a third grader sounds like a nice change of pace.
CHET CANNON - Uuuuumm... weird.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - **winks**
At a wrestling mat...
TJ LAVIN - Your challenge for today is to let Zach push you into the water while he wears a giant tube.
FRANK SWEENEY - Uh, hello? I'm going to be in the tube with him, straining my glutes as hard against his groin as a I possibly can.
ZACH NICHOLS - And my challenge for today is to not get aroused by that.
**Frank and Zach win the the overall challenge, but Zach fails his personal challenge**
After shots at a Turkish "Umpzz Umpzz" club, the teams board the short bus...
MARIE RODA - I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, and I ESPECIALLY hate you.
CHET CANNON - You're not even looking at anyone in particular.
MARIE RODA - Shut up!
FRANK SWEENEY - Marie, it's nothing personal. I had to make a choice, and my choice was influenced by you being a massive bitch-tittie.
ROBB SCHREIBER - Hey, who you callin' a bitch-tittie? **opens his shirt to display Hakuna Matata tattoos** MAKE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
**silence, followed by a full-minute of laughter**
ROBB SCHREIBER - That worked a lot better when John Wayne did it.
SARAH RICE - **whispers** You mean Clint Eastwood.
ROBB SCHREIBER - **head in hands** I'm such a ginger loser.
SARAH RICE - You said it, not me.
Back at the mansion...
MARIE RODA - Before my rant was rudely interrupted on the bus, I was about to say that the biggest weirdo of all is JD.
JD ORDONEZ - We'll see who's a weirdo when you're looking out the window of a plane, attempting to finger yourself to increase endorphins and mask your pain, but quietly so your seat mate doesn't notice.
SAM MCGINN - Ok, that was kind of weird, JD.
JD ORDONEZ - Sorry.
MARIE RODA - Hmmm... which other gay people can I pick on? Derek?
DEREK CHAVEZ - Yeah, ok, I'll bite. **gets in her face**
ROBB SCHREIBER - Uh uh, I don't THINK SO! **opens his shirt to display Hakuna Matata tattoos** MAKE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
**silence, followed by a full-minute of laughter**
ROBB SCHREIBER - God damn it.
At the arena...
TJ LAVIN - Frat Pad and Vanilla Ice-Fucker, you're squaring off against the guy with the Disney tattoo, and the other guy with the Disney tattoo.
MARIE RODA - Real men love Simba. **pulls down shorts to reveal Hakuna Matata tattoo on her dick**
TJ LAVIN - It's interesting that you having a dick is the least shocking of those two revelations. Ok, here we go... Ready, set, MAKE A PRETTY MOSAIC!
**Trishelle makes a pretty mosaic the fastest**
TJ LAVIN - That is actually a beautiful piece of art, Trishelle.
TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Thank you. I focused on assembling the blues and greens in a row, to create the impression of water meeting land. The reds are the passion that nature arouses in all of us.
TJ LAVIN - Very nice.
**They hear a gurgling noise**
TJ LAVIN - Whoops, forgot to let the guys know they could come out of the water now.
**rope is pulled up, both Dustin and Robb are dead from drowning**
TJ LAVIN - Tell Pedro and Frankie I said "what's up."
ZACH NICHOLS - Too soon, bro.
THE END.
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