 |
| Right before master thespian Kyle Richards leans dramatically on the door and sighs heavily. |
After Brandi exposes charlatan-ass Adrienne for being a charlatan-ass....
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Brandi doesn't care about my reputation, or her reputation. All she cares about is the truth.
KYLE RICHARDS - Totes. Wait... is that bad?
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Uh, yeah. Because I'm rich, and I said so.
KYLE RICHARDS - No argument here. **the Maloofs leave**
MAURICIO UMANSKY - Why are those rich people leaving my party?
KYLE RICHARDS - Brandi accused them of using a surrogate because Adrienne was born a man.
MAURICIO UMANSKY - This event is supposed to be uneventful! PS - I always thought I saw a bulge down there.
KYLE RICHARDS - But aren't you soooo mad that Kim brought up the issue and essentially started the fight?
MAURICIO UMANSKY - Eh, not really. She annoys me less now that she's switched from scotch to horse tranquilizers.
KIM RICHARDS - Thanks, Maurice.
 |
| Cavemen need love, too. |
The most eventful event of the century continues...
KYLE RICHARDS - Stop trying to make this about you, Taylor. This is about me.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Is it?
KYLE RICHARDS - Shut up.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Well, I just want to say that I also know how it feels to have someone tell the world the truth about you. **gestures to Camille** Cough cough, Camille Donatachi Grammer.
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Yeah, but the difference is that some people like Adrienne.
BRANDI'S FRIEND DARIN - Ouch.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Who the hell are you?
BRANDI'S FRIEND DARIN - Brandi's friend Darin. I could really go for some wine right now.
| The morally corrupt Faye Resnick prepares to accuse Brandi of being morally corrupt. |
Kyle hosts a dinner party...
KYLE RICHARDS - **enters the kitchen** I guess that's enough admiring myself in my vanity mirror for one day.
CATERER GLEN - You sure? Someone as striking yet soft in all the right places as you are should practice as much self-love as possible. **pokes her love handle**
KYLE RICHARDS - That's true. But never touch me there again.
CATERER GLEN - Sorry. That jumpsuit really accentuates your puffy parts.
FAYNE RESNICK - Knock knock! I came wearing my confrontational boots!
KYLE RICHARDS - Oh, thank God. If I'm going to preserve my image as a reasonable third party, somebody's gotta do my dirty work. Might as well be someone who's on a first name basis with Kato Kaelin.
FAYNE RESNICK - I actually call him "Champ", but whatever.
 |
| A pleasure, person who will rip me a new one in 30 minutes. |
Brandi arrives last, joins Lisa Vanderpump and Marisa Zunuck...
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Knock knock! I came wearing my defensive fur vest!
KYLE RICHARDS - We were just discussing whether it's best to wear heels naked around the house, or with clothes on.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - I vote for naked. Makes your ass look higher when you're in heels.
KYLE RICHARDS - **whispers to Faye** Can you believe she's talking about this? So tacky.
FAYNE RESNICK - No class whatsoever. **adjusts her Charlotte Russe jacket**
KYLE RICHARDS - Let's all be seated. I've got some great conversation planned, including Faye going apeshit on Brandi for my amusement.
FAYNE RESNICK - You're not supposed to say that out loud.
KYLE RICHARDS - Whoops.
FAYNE RESNICK - Well, let's not waste any time. Brandi, how dare you speak ill of Adrienne Maloof, who is my stepson's dentist's classmate from junior college?
BRANDI GLANVILLE - I'm just concerned that there was a dentist in junior college.
LISA VANDERPUMP - I've got to defend Brandi, here. I've been on the receiving end of the Maloof wrath, and it's uglier than my daughter.
KYLE RICHARDS - **starts doing her "hood" head shake** Uh uh, no you di-int! You used to hate Brandi even more than I do!
LISA VANDERPUM - Please get your finger out my face.
KYLE RICHARDS - It's not IN your face, it's NEAR your face.
BRANDI GLANVILLE - Ok, I'm going to leave. It's clear that I'll never live down calling Kim a drug addict, or saying that Maloof used a surrogate, two things that were one hundred percent true.
FAYNE RESNICK - **calls after her** You got a lot to learn about Beverly Hills, girl! The truth is never to be spoken! Just ask OJ!
**awkward silence**
CATERER GLEN - Butter sage ravioli, anyone?
KYLE RICHARDS - Hit the road, Glen.
THE END.
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