The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 3

Dollywood is like Disney World, only shittier.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 2

Cross-promotion makes me horny.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard - Episode 1

Cinderella was destitute and a bad dresser, you idiot.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 4 - "Drowning Pool"

Melissa Gorga is a good woman because she puts towels on kids.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Episode 3 - "Third Eye Blind"

Third eye blind.