ANNOUNCER - An act so shocking, we can't even air it. Until after the commercial break.
Two days earlier...
TY - **on a boat, with saltwater lightly spraying his face** Ahh, these two days forgetting racism exists have been so carefree!
JOHNNY BANANAS - Sunblock-application conga lines!
PAULA WALNUTS - Beach-blanket fondling sessions!
TY - No members of the cast wearing black face in sight!
EVERYBODY - WE LOVE LIFE!
The next day...
TJ LAVIN - Your challenge for today is to get married, and see who can hold out the longest before an annulment.
JOHNNY BANANAS - **raises hand** I have a question. What if we've already consummated the marriage?
TJ LAVIN - Keep it to yourself.
JOHNNY BANANAS - Ok thanks.
TJ LAVIN - Now I'm not a betting man - except I've got thirty bucks on Robin and Mark, shhh - but if I were, I'd place all my chips on Diem and CT losing.
DIEM - Oh, we made up last night. I apologized for ignoring his dead brother.
CT - And I made it clear that my family does hate her, but only when they allow themselves to think about her, which isn't very often.
TJ LAVIN - I stand corrected. Ready, set, MARRY!
TY - The thought of being legally bound to Emily for even one minute makes me want to barf up last night's plantains. We're out.
TJ LAVIN - Fine, but no cake for you. **shoves an entire piece in his mouth**
JOHNNY BANANAS - To be honest, I can't understand what Camila's saying half the time, so we'll bow out, too.
TJ LAVIN - Have it your way. But you can't keep any of the gifts. **grabs glass flute from Johnny** Oooh, is this Waterford crystal? **stuffs in his pocket**
MARK - So if I'm going to be a stepfather, I've got to actually like my stepkid a little, right?
ROBIN - He has Asperger's, you shit.
MARK - Sorry, I just don't like him. He's always reciting facts.
TJ LAVIN - Annulled.
DUNBAR - Will a marriage work if your wife frequently has sex with your opponent in a bunk bed within thirty feet of your sleeping body?
TJ LAVIN - Probs not.
DUNBAR - Guess we're done, then.
TJ LAVIN - Diem and CT, you win.
CT - Whaddya say we keep this marriage going?
DIEM - That will kill my "will they-won't they" storyline. No thanks.
They all go out, still in bridal mode, and get naked wasted. Back at the house...
CAMILA - I've got the best idea for a joke.
EMILY - Water balloons?
CAMILA - No. You paint your face brown and tap dance. But you'll actually be impersonating Ty!
EMILY - Isn't that racist?
CAMILA - I'm from Brazil. We don't concern ourselves with the plight of our country's black people.
EMILY - Ok, let's do it!
**Emily paints her face with chocolate and saunters up to Ty in the living room**
EMILY - Sup, jive turkey?
TY - What the fuck?
EMILY - I'm you, son!
TY - Yeah, no. I'm leaving.
EMILY - But I'm from a cult! I know not what I do!
TY - Fine, I'll stay.
To be continued...
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