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| It's not cheating until the body shots start. |
In La Republica Dominicana...
TJ LAVIN - I've squirted KY Warming Personal Lubricant all over this tarp.
PAULA WALNUTS - I don't need that stuff when Ty's around.
TJ LAVIN - Gross. Your challenge for today is to run up and down said tarp.
JOHNNY BANANAS - That's easy. I keep one of these in my backyard. For, um, practice.
TJ LAVIN - I wasn't done. You've got to maintain eye contact with me the entire time.
ANEESA - But that's pretty distracting after the radical reconstructive surgery you got on your face. One of your eyes is higher than the other!
TJ LAVIN - DISQUALIFIED! I don't need the commentary on my looks. It's hard, ok? **starts crying**
ANEESA - **pats his shoulder** Hey, man, I'm sorry.
TJ LAVIN - **pushes arm away** Get off me. You're still disqualified.
RACHEL - What if we donate fifty bucks to the BMX Bikers Who Have Fallen Off Their Bikes And Required Facial Surgery Fund?
TJ LAVIN - You'd actually do that for the BBWHFOTBARFS Fund? That's huge.
ANEESA - Make it twenty five.
TJ LAVIN - That'll work.
**Teams run up and down tarp while maintaining eye contact with TJ. Camila and Johnny win**
At da club, Ty and Paula get their flirt on...
TY - Awww, I'm 'bout to kiss you!
PAULA WALNUTS - Ok!
TY - PSYCH! Awww, I'm 'bout to kiss you again...
PAULA WALNUTS - Do it!
TY - NOT!
**They do everything but kiss, even have anal intercourse, because for some reason if you don't kiss, it is not cheating**
CT - So cute. Remember when we were like that?
DIEM - Don't cheapen our relationship. We didn't have anal sex in public until the six-month mark.
CT - MY ENTIRE FAMILY HATED YOU!
DIEM - W-w-what? But I'm so quirky! I'm a walking Jennifer Anniston vehicle!
CT - Exactly. It's wicked annoying.
Camila and Johnny pick who's going into the dome...
JOHNNY BANANAS - Lesbians, you're going into the dome.
RACHEL - Because we're lesbians? So typical.
CAMILA - It's actually because you are both very mean.
ANEESA - Oh. Fair enough.
In the dome...
TJ LAVIN - Try and wrap this office-sized rubber band around both of your bodies.
DUNBAR - No prob.
TJ LAVIN - I'm not done! You've got to maintain eye contact with me the entire time.
ANEESA - Again?!
TJ LAVIN - You don't know what it's like! I'm starved for eye contact! STARVED!
**They try to wrap**
DUNBAR - Rachel and Aneesa, Robin's writhing in the dirt nude!
RACHEL - Huh?
ANEESA - Where? **the both look for Robin, losing eye contact with TJ**
TJ LAVIN - You lose!
TY - Yes! Paula and I can resume our shallow and meaningless relationship!
PAULA WALNUTS - But you said you loved me.
TY - I also told the wall I loved it last night. Doesn't mean jack.
THE END.
these are hilarious
ReplyDeletethese are hilarious
ReplyDelete