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| Important life decisions are best made drunk. |
At da club...
TY - Well, there's not much left for us to do after I've already motorboated your fake breasts in public.
PAULA - That's true. **They sit silently**
TY - Nice night.
PAULA - Yep.
CAMILA - **booty-dropping on a stranger** Drop it like it's hot, drop-drop it like it's hot.
STRANGER DUDE - Jackpot! Awwww yeah, giiiiiirl.
EMILY - **seeing Camila dance on stranger** Get the fuck out of here, townie!
STRANGER DUDE - Townie? I'm from Alabama.
EMILY - People from MTV only fraternize with other people from MTV. Got it? Now hit the road, perv!
STRANGER DUDE - Is my image gonna be blurred out when this airs?
EMILY - Probs.
STRANGER DUDE - Then I guess I don't need to save face. Peace. **goes to hit on other too-drunk-to-consent chicks**
Back at the house...
CAMILA - **wasted** Jooooohny... Don't you even care that I was all up on that townie?
JOHNNY BANANAS - Eh. Not terribly.
CAMILA - BLAHHHH! You will DIE!!!! **throws chair, walks straight into the pool**
At the challenge...
TJ LAVIN - You all look like shit.
ABRAM - You're one to talk.
TJ LAVIN - Just for that, you have to go first in today's challenge.
ROBIN - What are those tall thingies?
TJ LAVIN - Stools, retard. That's where you'll all be having public intercourse for the world to see.
ABRAM - Going first is supposed to be punishment? Pshaw. I do tasks like this in my sleep.
CARA MARIA - No, really. He does. **Abram and Cara Maria climb aboard stool, wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah**
ABRAM - So, um, remember what you said about us living together?
CARA MARIA - No.
ABRAM - You don't? You took four tequila shots in rapid succession and then asked me.
CARA MARIA - Oh, that! I was pretty fucked up. Sorry.
ABRAM - No take backs!
CARA MARIA - Huh?
ABRAM - I already had my brother move my shit into your apartment.
CARA MARIA - Fuck.
**The other teams have sex on the stools, except for Aneesa and Rachel, who scissor vigorously**
In the dome...
TJ LAVIN - Some of you have raised the question of whether the dome is fair, since we hand-pick the challenges for you.
ROBIN - I never raise any questions.
MARK - We know.
TJ LAVIN - And to that, my answer is, shut the fuck up. Nobody hears Chelsea from Teen Mom complaining when the producers set up a chance meeting with her ex at the tanning salon. Little bitches.
TY - **wrestles crucifix from Abram** YES! **points at Paula** It's on, freckles.
PAULA - **giggles**
TJ LAVIN - Abram and Cara Maria, GTFO.
ABRAM - I have sooo much planned for us in our new joint living quarters!
CARA MARIA - Oh god...
ABRAM - First, we're going to combine our DVDs and arrange them in alphabetical order.
CARA MARIA - Christ.
ABRAM - Then, we're going to tattoo each other with our address.
CARA MARIA - Kill me.
ABRAM - And then, we'll spend eight hours making homemade tamales!
CARA MARIA - TJ! Let me come back! Please.
TJ LAVIN - Sorry, girl. Lay off the tequila.
THE END.
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