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The creature from the film "Splice" visits Switzerland! |
On Nikki and Ben's date on a mountain in Switzerland...
NIKKI STERLING - Here we go, taking things to "new heights!"
BEN FLAJNIK - Let's watch our relationship "climb!"
NIKKI STERLING - My curiosity about our lives together is "peaked!"
BEN FLAJNIK - My foreskin is reaching "high altitudes!"
**silence**
NIKKI STERLING - You just took this whole height metaphor thing to a new level, huh?
BEN FLAJNIK - New "level?" Good one!
NIKKI STERLING - I'm being serious. That was weird.
BEN FLAJNIK - Well, it seems like a good time to give you this... **hands her fantasy suite card**
NIKKI STERLING - **reads aloud** "Lindsey and Ben, Sir Edmund Hilary ain't got nuthin' on Ben's penis. Love, Chris Harrison." That doesn't even make sense.
BEN FLAJNIK - So... You wanna?
NIKKI STERLING - Yeah, I guess. But keep that foreskin away from me. I do NOT do foreskin.
On Courtney and Ben's date in an Alpine village...
BEN FLAJNIK - You are kind of a horrible human being.
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Yeaaahhhh...
BEN FLAJNIK - Well, now that that's out of the way, I have a proposition. **hands her Lisa Frank card decorated with unicorns and rainbows that reads "Let's Fuck!"**
COURTNEY ROBERTSON - Ok. But you have to wear this. **hands him a brown paper bag**
BEN FLAJNIK - Can I at least cut slits for my eyes?
COURTNEY ROBERTSON- Nope.
Lindzi and Ben rappel off a mountain...
BEN FLAJNIK - Let's watch our relationship "climb!"
LINDZI COX - Yeah, no. I'm not doing that.
BEN FLAJNIK - Sorry.
Taking things to the hot tub...
LINDZI COX - Look at The Ice Queen, melting before our very eyes!
BEN FLAJNIK - Wow, you call yourself the Ice Queen?
LINDZI COX - No. Courtney's being burned at the stake behind you by some line workers from the Toblerone factory.
BEN FLAJNIK - Oh. Well, I already got to tap that, so it's cool.
Back at the hotel, Ben is masturbating in his room with a paper bag on his head while Kacie B. works up the courage to knock...
KACIE BOGUSKIE - **shiver breathes, shiver breathes**
CHRIS HARRISON - Just fucking knock. Jesus Christ.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - **shiver breathes** Here goes nothin'.
CHRIS HARRISON - It's just knocking, not delivering the State of the Union address.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - **knocks** KNOCKITY KNOCK!
BEN FLAJNIK - **startled, rushes to clean up** Uh... just a second!!! **opens door** Holy shit.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Yep. It's me. Kacie B.
BEN FLAJNIK - You can just call yourself Kacie. No need for the B when it's just you.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Damn it! You're right! Stupid stupid stupid! **bangs head on wall**
BEN FLAJNIK - Hey, now, don't be so hard on yourself!
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Stupid stupid stupid!
BEN FLAJNIK - It's not you that's stupid, it's your annoying Southern parents.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Really? Phew. That's a relief.
BEN FLAJNIK - Um, here. **hands her Lisa Frank card that says "Let's Fuck!"**
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Did you already use this? It's got stains on it.
BEN FLAJNIK - Sorry. They only gave me three.
KACIE BOGUSKIE - Not happening.
BEN FLAJNIK - It was worth a shot.
THE END.
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