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| Sometimes, love just ain't enough. |
In the hot tub...
ASHLEY - I like you, Michael. You're not like the other gays, always gyrating and saying "Hay girl haaay!"
ZACH - Yeah. You're normal, and don't even make me think of buttfucking.
MICHAEL - Aw! You guys are so sweet.
ASHLEY - We're just open minded. That's all.
FRANK - Baby, like everybody else in this hot tub, I love you. I'd never do anything to screw this up.
MICHAEL - Never?
FRANK - Never.
At da club...
FRANK - Can I come over to your house and have sex with you?
TODD - You betcha.
At brunch...
ALEXANDRA - Hold on to your Native-American-inspired headband... We've got a surprise for you!
FRANK - What is it? Eggs Benedict?
ALEXANDRA - Nope! We flew in your boyfriend!
FRANK - But I just had sex with another guy an hour ago.
MICHAEL - I'm standing right behind you. I can hear you.
FRANK - Fuck.
MICHAEL - Uncool, bro.
FRANK - I'm sorry, but what can I do? I'm young, and relatively attractive for San Diego.
MICHAEL - You got "relatively" right. You wouldn't last a day in West Hollywood.
FRANK - So does this mean we're over?
MICHAEL - I'm afraid it does.
FRANK - Ok. **calls Todd** Want to come to brunch?
MICHAEL - Um, I'm still here. Like, sitting right next to you.
FRANK - It's ok. He's at the gym anyway.
At the #Living launch party...
NATE - **on stage** Wassup San Diego!!!
CROWD - Wooooo!
NATE - Are y'all ready to party???
CROWD - Wooooo!
NATE - Put your drinks up!
CROWD - **with increasingly less enthusiasm** Wooooo...
NATE - It's time to get wiiild!
CROWD - **crickets**
SAM - Somebody needs to take the mic away from him.
NATE - Awww yeah, Hillcrest!!!
CROWD - **silence**
PRISCILLA - I think he's finally done.
NATE - One two one two! Reversible watches in the heezy!
PRISCILLA - Nope.
TRAVIS &TREVOR - **wrestle the microphone from Nate** Ooook! Thank you for that enthusiastic introduction, Nate! **whisper** Get the fuck off the stage.
**Models wearing #living shirts walk on the runway**
ZACH - Didn't I see that "model" passing out cologne samples outside Hollister?
ASHLEY - **walks down the runway** - Hashtag Living! T-shirts! Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle, yeah!
NATE - She's a natural.
MICHELLE - Great event, Nate. You're really getting out that anti-suicide message.
NATE - Ugh, I knew it! You want a relationship!
MICHELLE - Huh? I was just congratulating you.
NATE - Listen, girl, you fine and all, but I'm a rockstar who can't be tied down.
MICHELLE - A rockstar? You just got your name affiliated with some shitty watches.
NATE - Now now. That's not very supportive.
MICHELLE - Why should I be supportive if we're not in a relation-
NATE - Shhh. Hush. I'm going to play ping pong with Zach for 45 minutes. You can sit on the couch and watch, if you want.
MICHELLE - Fine.
NATE - Thanks, boss.
MICHELLE - Don't call me that.
The next day....
FRANK - Can we drop Todd off on the way to Subway?
ZACH - Nope. The only gay person I could stomach was Michael.
FRANK - So you're only not a homophobe when you like the person.
ZACH - No, that's not it at all. I just think gay sex is gross unless it's with Michael.
FRANK - Good rebuttal.
TODD - Hey, guys, don't fight. It's no problem. I'll just, uh... walk. Four miles.
ZACH - You do that, skank. **runs to the bathroom**
FRANK - **hears sobbing** Zach? You ok?
ZACH - I just miss him so much.
FRANK - Who? Are you crying about Michael?
ZACH - No.
FRANK - Ok. See you later, I guess. There's a meatball sub on parmesan oregano with my name on it. I hope you're alright. **leaves**
ZACH - Close the door. I want to be alone. **sobs** Stupid gay people and their sexy, nice personalities.
THE END.
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