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| Taylor's party is so awesome that Stevie Ray Vaughan came back from the dead to attend. photo - bravotv.com |
At a ranch in Malibu for a five year-old's birthday party...
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - High-mee! Where the fuck is High-mee?!
JAIME - Who are you looking for, miss?
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - High-mee. He's got the kids tables.
JAIME - Oh. That's me. It's pronounced "Chigh-May."
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Do I look like I care about how you say stuff in Mexican?
JAIME - It's Spanish. And I'm from Guatemala.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Again, don't care. Right now, all I care about is making sure 150 white children have somewhere to sit while their parents get drunk on Goose n' soda.
JAIME - I've got the tables. No worries.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - AHHHHHH! **jumps in his arms, rubs his penis** I love you I love you I love you I love you!
JAIME - Whoa. Saving a social climber from embarrassment is where it's at, apparently!
DANA WILKEY - I'm here! **sees Taylor with Jaime** Taylor! What are you doing?
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Uh, this Mexican guy just sexually assaulted me! **pushes Jaime away** Cerdo!
DANA WILKEY - Phew. For s second there I thought you were touching him willingly. Look! I brought Ace Young!
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Who?
DANA WILKEY - He's from American Idol from five years ago.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Will it impress Kyle and Mauricio?
DANA WILKEY - Yes, I think so.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Good enough for me.
ACE YOUNG - Hey, pretty skinny lady. I got this song about how every day is a birthday when you're thinking about how your kid came out of your vagina once.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **starts to cry** That's just... so beautiful.
ACE YOUNG - Paula Abdul had the same reaction.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You know Paula Abdul?
ACE YOUNG - Yep. And Randy Jackson. Dawg.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Whoa. You really are somebody. **jumps in his arm, rubs his penis**
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Taylor, we're presenting Kennedy with her new horse at four.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - I'm busy.
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - So I see. Well, let me know when you're done.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Don't you even care that I'm rubbing Ace Young's penis?
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Who?
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - From American Idol from five years ago.
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Oh. No. But if it was David Archuleta, we'd have a problem. **walks away**
ACE YOUNG - Dude, your husband's pretty cool.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - He's ok, when he's not trying to throw me into the bathtub.
KENNEDY - Mommy! This is the best toy! Thank you! **is playing with a piece of manure**
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Kennedy, NO! That's not a toy! Here, look at the pretty Tiffany's brooch I bought you!
KENNEDY - But I love the brown toy.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Mommy spent $45,000 on a party for 250 of our closest friends! There's even a mechanical bull for you to look sexy on! Now have fun, dammit!
KENNEDY - **smears manure on her face** Yaaaay!
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - You ungrateful little bitch! **throws Kennedy in a pile of hay. gets some horse dung on her leather vest. Turns back to Ace** Now, where were we?
ACE YOUNG - I, uh... gotta go. It's time for my song.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **sobs** No! Please don't go!
ACE YOUNG - Sorry. You smell too much like horse poop. Reminds me of my mother. **leaves**
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **collapses** I'm going to be alone forever!
DANA WILKEY - Taylor? Some rich influential-looking people just showed up to wish Kennedy a happy birthday.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **looks up** Huh? Where?
DANA WILKEY - Over by the mock ghost town.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Thanks. See ya. **runs to greet people**
THE END.
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