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| Welcome to my Sex Room. photo - mtv.com |
In the "Boy's Room"...
FRANK - I had sex. In our room.
NATE - **puts arm up** Hi-five, m'man!
FRANK - With a dude.
NATE - **puts arm down** Hi-five retracted.
FRANK - What's the problem?
NATE - Nothing, I just feel weird.
FRANK - Don't. I'm the same person I was when you first met me, but now I'm a person who has stuck his entire fist in a -
NATE - OK! I think I've heard enough.
FRANK - Somebody's a little homophobic.
NATE - No, I'm not!
FRANK - Yes, if you're uncomfortable about the tale of how one nubile young man bedded another nubile young man, first slowly removing each other's belts, then loosening the elastic on one another's Gap Body boxer briefs - crazy right? Same underwear tastes - and then -
NATE - Uh, I gotta go. Zach can't talk about farming and patriotism all on his own.
Zach and Nate converse in the living room...
ZACH - Hey, man.
NATE - Sup.
ZACH - Just shopping for pigs and letting this Queen Helene's Mint Julep Masque penetrate.
NATE - Ugh, I think I've heard all I can about penetrating.
ZACH - Frank again?
NATE - How'd you guess?
ZACH - Because Frank's refusal to talk like a man, walk like a man, et cetera, et cetera, like a man, is very frustrating.
NATE - You sure know all about being a man.
ZACH - Sure do. Can you check the timer for my face mask?
NATE - Three minutes to go.
ZACH - Thanks. Hey, you can sleep in my bed all week, if you want. Um, you know... To avoid the gay juices that might be floating around your room. Yeah. Sleep together to avoid gay juices.
NATE - That sounds great. Thank you.
ZACH - Hey, just being a man, doing the things a man does. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a porcine beauty with the snout of an angel to purchase.
Sam comforts Frank...
SAM - Don't be sad, Frank. I've experienced homophobia, too.
FRANK - Really? I thought people just consider you a guy.
SAM - They do. Just trying to make you feel better. Gimme a break here.
FRANK - Sorry. Wanna go to one of San Diego's two gay bars? To let loose a little?
SAM - Fine. Just promise me you won't come home and push Nate and break vases.
FRANK - I promise.
**Frank comes home and pushes Nate and breaks vases.**
The morning after...
FRANK - Hey, um, can I take you all to dinner? To make up for last night?
NATE - You think showering us with gifts and attention will make up for destroying my chances with a Bikini Cowgirl?
FRANK - Yes?
NATE - You damn right it will. Now let's go eat some marrow!
THE END
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