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| Rorschach my heart. photo -bravotv.com |
At Priscilla's family party...
PRISCILLA'S MOM - Hermana, I missed talking about tank tops and boys with you!
PRISCILLA - Hermana? You mean "mija"?
PRISCILLA'S MOM - Shhhhh. Sisters. **they make out**
NATE - Viva Meheeco! **takes eight shots of tequila in succession, breaks down in tears**
FRANK - Finally, somebody else is drunk crying.
NATE - Just because I'm drunk and crying doesn't mean I'm drunk crying.
ZACH - Touche.
NATE - Everybody on this show deserves a back story, no matter how ridiculous.
ASHLEY - So, what's yours?
NATE - I never even knew my great grandfather!
SAM - Dude - nobody knows their great grandfather.
FRANK - I did, if you consider watching him shit himself and swear at my mom "knowing".
NATE - You don't know how lucky you are! **bawls** Muaaahhh!!!
PRISCILLA - Hey, Nate, here's some more Patron.
NATE - **forgets about great grandfather** Viva Meheeco!
PRISCILLA'S MOM - I'm only eight years older than you, you know.
NATE - Cool. **they make out**
At Nate's Favorite Bar & Grill...
FLEX WATCHES TREVOR - Oh, hey, stranger! You seem like the kind of guy who'd be in to reversible watches with a message!
NATE - How'd you know?
FLEX WATCHES TRAVIS - Just a hunch. Has nothing to do with all these television cameras that happen to be around as we launch a new product.
NATE - Wow! Neato! Where's Trent?
TREVOR - On vacation. Listen, why don't you let us come to your house and we can toss a few ideas around?
TRAVIS - It won't be weird at all. We'll just grill you about past tragedies and pretend to give a shit.
NATE - Sounds great! I want to discuss suicide, and how we can make a blog that will save millions of lives, and people can comment on the blog....
TRAVIS - Uh huh. Uh huh. **ignores Nate, winks at the camera as he shows how the watch reverses itself.**
NATE - If only my great grandfather had had the support a blog could provide. He might still be here today.
TREVOR - **ignoring Nate** Oh yeah? Totally awesome, dude! **shoves watch in camera lens**
NATE - Wow. You guys really care, I can tell. Feels good.
TRAVIS - We're here for ya, bro! Forever!**camera man goes on break.** Let's get the fuck out of here.
TREVOR - Seriously. This guy's weird.
On the porch...
FRANK - Give me a Brooklyn fade with Caesar bangs.
PRISCILLA - I don't know what that means. I'm not a real hairdresser.
FRANK - And throw in a quick chest shave while you're at it. I'm starting to scare small children.
PRISCILLA - But I dropped out of cosmetology school after a half hour.
FRANK - Make sure it looks like Ryan Gosling after a romp in the sack.
PRISCILLA - And I once cut my dog's ear off when I tried to trim his nails.
FRANK - And let's keep it under ten minutes. I'm meeting the guy I met at the gay bar under the Coronado bridge.
PRISCILLA - K, here goes nothing.
FRANK - Speaking of nothing, that's how much you'll be paid for your services. Don't fuck up.
**she cuts hair, fucks up**
FRANK - **looks in mirror** WTF? I said Ryan Gosling after sex, not Ryan Gosling after nuclear fallout!
PRISCILLA - I told you I don't know what I'm doing.
FRANK - And you didn't even apologize.
PRISCILLA - Sorry?
FRANK - And you didn't even apologize like you mean it.
BYRON - Hey, man, I think you need to chill.
FRANK - Who the fuck is this guy?
BYRON - I'm Byron. I've eaten most of the hot dogs in your fridge.
FRANK - I'll give you another hot dog to eat if you don't shut the fuck up!
At the therapist's office...
THERAPIST - I think you need to chill.
FRANK - That's exactly what Byron said!
THERAPIST - Who's Byron?
FRANK - Not sure. But he's very insightful. And I love him.
Before a romantic date at sunset...
ALEXANDRA - WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKER ARE YOU DOING.
BYRON - Having a sip of wine on the porch.
ALEXANDRA - YOU UGLY HIGH-VOICED PIECE OF DUNG. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WATCH ME UNPACK GROCERIES.
BYRON - I don't see what the big deal is. Here... I poured you a glass.
ALEXANDRA - SHOVE IT UP YOUR WIENER HOLE. YOU ARE THE WORST BOYFRIEND AND I HATE YOU.
BYRON - Fine. I'll enjoy the wine and sunset on my own.
ALEXANDRA - YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENGAGE ME WHEN I ACT UNREASONABLY.
BYRON - I don't feel like.
ALEXANDRA - **watches her upper hand in the relationship disintegrate** Ok. I'm sorry. I love you.
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