 |
| The life of a bi-sexual man living rent-free on the beach is a tortuous one. photo - mtv.com |
Nate n' Sam, huntin' for some strange on the beach...
NATE - Bro, watch me bag these chicks with a flick of my wrists.
SAM - You don't think your cherry-red face will frighten them?
NATE - This cherry-red face has gotten me three high school chicks with bad grades and 22 milfs, some with multiple C-Section scars. Now check this out. **approaches two bikini-clad babes** Hey, sugar tits. Kathy Bates got nothin' on you.
BIKINI-CLAD BABE I - Huh?
NATE - Crap. Um, how 'bout this? Is your father a sculptor? Because those thighs look like somebody made them out of brown lumpy clay.
BIKINI-CLAD BABE II - Are you calling us fat?
NATE - No! Never! Listen... Of all the cigarette-butt strewn beaches in Southern California, you had to walk into this one and make the place smell like guacamole.
SAM - Dude, you're bombing!
NATE - Oh yeah? Like you could do better?
SAM - Watch me. **strokes babe's arm** What's your name, girl?
BIKINI-CLAD BABE I - Dana.
SAM - Ooooh, I like that.
BIKINI-CLAD BABE I - **Giggles**
SAM - Lemme tell you something, girl. I don't think you smell like guacamole. More like fresh, sun-ripened avocados picked by manicured finger tips from the produce aisle at Ralph's.
BIKINI-CLAD BABE I - **Giggles** Can I give you my phone number?
SAM - Naw, girl. I'm just a 13 year old boy. Wouldn't be legal. But dream about me, ok?
BIKINI-CLAD BABE I - I'll wait for you. Until you grow up.
SAM - You couldn't handle it, baby doll. **To Nate** And that's how it's done.
NATE - Wtf? How'd you do that?
SAM - I'm a chick, remember? I know what chicks like.
NATE - I was really feeling that Dana girl, but I think she's more into you...
SAM - It's better this way. If you went on a date, you'd probably blow it by laughing at Zach spying on you from the corner, making her super uncomfortable.
NATE - You're right. You know, for a gay person, you're super intuitive.
DANA 2.0 - **to Nate** Hi, I'm Dana, here to serve as the replacement for the Dana you'd rather have but ditched your ass.
NATE - Cool, come in the house to pee.
They enter the house to find an impromptu "Jam Sesh"...
ALEXANDRA - "Gimme every thing that you gooooot... Gimme every piece of your heart..."
NATE - What the fuck?
ALEXANDRA - Oh hey! Welcome. These are some musical dudes that would never associate with me if I couldn't provide them with national exposure. "Yeah eee yeah eee yeah-ahhhhh....".
NATE - Well, I've got a Dana to ditch, so wrap it up and let's go to the club.
ALEXANDRA - One sec... Mute the intro, guitar player.
GUITAR PLAYER - It's Bob.
ALEXANDRA - Whatever. "Yeah eee yeah eee yeah-ahhhhh...."
PRISCILLA - Everybody ready to go? This jailbait Mexican designated driver is ready to leave the station.
ZACH - Just a minute - waiting for my face mask to penetrate my pores.
ASHLEY - And I need a few seconds for my ass mask to penetrate my ass pores.
ZACH - Aw. We have so much in common.
ASHLEY - Aw. I know.
At Da Club...
FRANK - **to straight guy** You have the most beautiful eyes, skin, and anal cavity.
STRAIGHT GUY I - Fuck off, homo. **punches Frank**
FRANK - Ow! **tries another straight guy** You have the most beautiful hair, nose and fecal matter.
STRAIGHT GUY II - Kill yourself, gaylord. **punches Frank**
FRANK - Ow! **tries another straight guy** You have the most beautiful hands, breath and foreskin.
STRAIGHT GUY II - Die, Ef Word.*punches Frank**
FRANK - Ow!
ALEXANDRA - Frank! You have to stop hitting on straight guys!
FRANK - What, so everything defaults to straight in your world?
NATE - At a not-gay bar, yes!
FRANK - - FUCK ALL OF YOU! YOU HATE ME CUZ IM GAY!
ASHLEY - That's not true. We just don't like to watch you get punched in the face repeatedly.
FRANK - WHATEVER! YOU'RE ALL SLUTTY HOMOPHOBES! SEE YOU LATER, SLUTS! **passes out on hammock**
In the kitchen the next morning...
FRANK - W-what happened last night?
ASHLEY - You yelled at everybody and called me a slut.
FRANK - Well, I take it all back. Except the slut part. Kinda true.
ALEXANDRA - Frank, what makes you behave this way?
FRANK - My pops called me a faygala two weeks ago. That's Yiddish for "gay person".
ALEXANDRA - That must hurt so much.
FRANK - It does. It really does. Trucies?
EVERYBODY - Trucies.
The End.
It's just a couple of taste more than anything else. By doing this, the amount of time wet for all and after that cleansing is regarded as reduced. The insurer has introduced a good lemon or lime juicer, you see, the 600 School Citrus Newspaper and tv. Stainless views effortless it's proven to be any kind of
ReplyDeletelong-lasting timber pertaining to home appliances.
By employing this should you prefer a major commercial food processor
or blender with regards to your catering bank your enterprise
Blendtec vita mixer product line must be a very good guideline.
My blog post; best blenders