Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 1 - "Back to Beverly Hills"
The cast discusses the news about Russell Armstrong at the Maloof Estate...
ADRIENNE MALOOF - I am sad.
MAURICIO UMANSKY - I am also sad.
KYLE RICHARDS - Me too.
**silence**
PAUL NASSIF - Now that we got that out of the way, check out the sweet dog we got to kick Giggy's ass.
LISA VANDERPUMP - That thing? Where'd you get it... a shelter?
KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Ha! Good one, sweetie. **they high-five**
PAUL NASSIF - Eat me, Rod Stewart.
KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Excuse me? I couldn't understand you with those stringy pube strands hanging in front of your lips.
PAUL NASSIF - Well, I can't understand you with your dog sharing your champagne glass.
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Ok, that didn't even make sense.
PAUL NASSIF - Can you try, just try, to not completely shatter my sense of self worth in a room full of people?
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Wait, you previously had a sense of self worth?
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - See? This is why the dead guy and I are in therapy.
KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Therapy? In England, we call that "Pussy School".
KYLE RICHARDS - Well, in England you named the shitter after some guy named Lou, so nobody cares what you say.
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Speaking of, I've got to go to the Ladies. Bernie's tuna tartare really did a number. **leaves**
LISA VANDERPUMP - Nothing new for Bernie.
BERNIE, MALOOF CHEF - **comes out from the kitchen** Ex-fucking-cuse me?
LISA VANDERPUMP - No offense, Big Bern.
BERNIE - Do NOT use diminutive nicknames on me!
LISA VANDERPUMP - It's not really diminutive, I said BIG Bern.
BERNIE - **grabs her plate** No more for you. You're done. **throws plate against the wall**
KYLE RICHARDS - **shakes head like Rosie Perez** Uh uh, no you Brits di'int. First Ken offends Taylor, now Bernie? Who's next?
KIM RICHARDS - I'm probably next.
KYLE RICHARDS - Yeah, probs.
KEN TODD VANDERPUMP - Offend? It's not my fault Taylor and Rigor Mortis Russ go to Pussy School.
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Hey, man, whatever keeps their marriage intact.
PAUL NASSIF - Oh, you're some kind of authority on marriage? The last time I saw you naked was on the operating table!
ADRIENNE MALOOF - "Oh, boo hoo, my billionaire wife who provides me with a lifestyle most people only dream of only has sex with me once every five years. Waaaaaaaaah!"
PAUL NASSIF - You know what? I'm going to watch The Naked Detective in the theater, and maybe jerk off to it. Just to teach you a lesson!
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Good, that will buy me another three years!
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - **back from crying in the bathroom** ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
KIM RICHARDS - So this is what happens when you stay sober at parties.
CAMILLE GRAMMAR DONATACCI - Sucks, don't it?
KIM RICHARDS - Fuck yeah, it does. **chugs champagne**
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