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| Not even Bruno Mars can save us. photo -mtv.com |
TJ LAVIN - Your task for today is to take a nap with a hammock.
KATELYNN - Sounds good. **lays down**
TJ LAVIN - Not so fast. Your task is to take a nap while wearing a banana hammock, which is slang for a tightly-fitted Speedo that accentuates your sizeable genitalia, or not-sizeable genitalia, whatever the case may be.
KATELYNN - Damn it. I knew I went to Thailand too hastily.
TJ LAVIN - Right. Never chop off your dick until you know you will not face a penis-related competition for cash prizes in the future.
TYLER - So... This is supposed to be a challenge? It's what I do every Saturday night after a few cosmos and a popper.
TJ LAVIN - There's more. While napping, your partner has got to recite the chorus from Bruno Mars' hit song "Grenade" while their face is resting snugly in the cradle of your banana hammock.
ADAM - Wait - I've got to put my face in THAT? **points to CT's privates** CT only splashes hot water on his balls - he doesn't even use soap!
CT - Why would I want to interfere with my natural musky pheromones?
LAUREL - I'll gladly put my face in CT's crotch.
MANDI - Me too.
TJ LAVIN - Sorry, ladies. This is a male-only challenge. Banana hammock and all that jazz.
JONNA - But what about this? **points to giant strap-on**
TJ LAVIN - Tempting, but no. Ok, Wes and Kenny... Ready, set, NAP, NUZZLE, and SING!
WES - Ah, let me just lay back here and relax...
KENNY - **lowers head, blows on a pitch pipe** Ahem.
"But you know that I'd catch a grenade for ya...
Jump in front of a plane for ya..."
TJ LAVIN - Disqualified. You forgot the part about putting your hand on a blade.
KENNY - FUCK!
WES - Oh, Kenny. Sweet, weak, not-as-good-as-me Kenny.
KENNY - It's true. I am nothing but a disappointment.
WES - Yep.
KENNY - I ought to join the cast of that other MTV show that follows the dregs of humanity from my state of origin.
WES - Yep.
KENNY - Ok, you don't have to agree with everything I say.
TJ LAVIN - Brandon, Ty, your turn.
TY - Let me take a swig of this warm milk to put me in a napping mood... Ahhhh. **naps**
BRANDON - Hopefully there's no warm milk down by this banana hammock, if you know what I'm saying...
TJ LAVIN - Stop stalling.
BRANDON - K.
"Easy come, easy go, that's the way you live,
OH, take, take, take, but-"
TJ LAVIN - Disqualified. That's not the chorus, it's the first verse.
BRANDON - SHIT!
TJ LAVIN - It's called "following directions". Perhaps you should return to Mrs. Morrison's first grade classroom to learn more about it.
BRANDON - How do you know my first grade teacher's name?
TJ LAVIN - Research. Ok, next up is CT and Adam.
ADAM - **Punches CT in the neck** What? It's the only way to get this guy to sleep. Here goes nothin'.
"I'd catch a grenade for ya... yeah, yeah, yeah
Throw my hand on a blade for ya... yeah, yeah, yeah
I'd jump in front of a train for ya... yeah, yeah, yeah
You know I'd do anything for ya...
Oooh whoooa whoooa..."
TJ LAVIN - Wow. I don't know whether to be more impressed by your silky songbird voice, or the fact that you rested your head by CT's rotting junk for more than thirty seconds.
ADAM - It's a gift.
TJ LAVIN - **shakes CT** Wake up dude.
CT - Huh?
LAUREL - CT, you won! Wanna share gum?
MANDI - CT, you alpha male sex machine!
CT - Ladies, ladies. The glory belongs to my partner.
ADAM - Really. It does.
**the women paw all over CT**
ADAM - Have I mentioned my dad is in the Commodores? He and Lionel Richie did coke together.
**the women continue to paw all over CT**
ADAM - Nobody?
**silence**
ADAM - That's the last time I sing Bruno Mars lyrics while resting my head against a Speedo. The last time.
THE END
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