 |
| Tamra hands Jeana a Cyst and Decease Order. photo - bravotv.com |
At one corner of Vicki's divorce party...
PEGGY TANOUS - We need to talk. You said my lips were big, and that I had less qualifications for a husband than you.
ALEXIS BELLINO - But both things are true. You asked for the Lisa Rinna, while I asked for the Harry Hamlin.
PEGGY TANOUS - Liar! I asked for the "Lisa Rinna from 1985" lip job. That's different from the traditional Lisa Rinna request, and you know it!
ALEXIS BELLINO - Sure, Peg. Not to mention that you needed a man with a job and a house, and all I needed was a pair of bifocals and a rib to be made from.
PEGGY TANOUS - How do you even find his rib, with his massive breasts in the way?
ALEXIS BELLINO - Oh, so now you're jealous just because my husband has another thing that's bigger than your husbands?
PEGGY TANOUS - If you think I'm envious that Micah drove us to this great party in his yellow Lamborghini, while Jim's sitting at home, fiddlin' with his tits, you probably also think women would want to wear dresses you created.
ALEXIS BELLINO - They would! I've sold one to a convenience store clerk in Kingman, Arizona. When she lifts up her rolls, it looks quite lovely.
PEGGY TANOUS - You know, this is really silly. Can we stop arguing and enjoy this great party?
ALEXIS BELLINO - You're right. Christ has bestowed upon us a gathering with fake fall foliage. Let's rejoice. **they hug, Alexis walks away**
PEGGY TANOUS - Tell Bitch Tits I said hello.
ALEXIS BELLINO - What'd you say?
PEGGY TANOUS - Nothing.
And in the other corner of Vicki's divorce party...
TAMRA BARNEY - Jeana, I hereby present you with a Cyst and Deceased.
JEANA KEOUGH - No need. I had the cyst part removed last month, and you'll be staring at the deceased part in the face after I push you in the pool.
TAMRA BARNEY - I bet you Quinn's wig that you don't have the guts.
QUINN FRY - Hey, don't drag my wig into this. It hasn't done anything to anybody.
**Tamra throws glass of wine into Jeana's eye**
JEANA KEOUGH - You threw wine in my eye!
TAMRA BARNEY - Very perceptive.
JEANA KEOUGH - And for that, I will throw my wine glass on this woman who looks very similar to you!
WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE TAMRA - And I will push your fat ass over the hors d'oeuvres table, which is where we all know you want to be anyway!
JEANA'S GAY - And will throw my glass of wine on your designer dress, which is very ugly, bee tee dubs. And then I'll throw an empty glass on the driveway when no one's around, just to make my exit that much grander!
TAMMY KICKERBOCKER - And I will yell a lot, replicating the marriage of me and the late Lou Knickerbocker!
VICKI GUNVALSON - People! Please stop the drama!
**silence**
VICKI GUNVALSON - Kidding. I love it cuz it takes the attention off the divorce, but still puts some of the attention on me in an indirect way.
BILLY, VICKI'S BROTHER - Can we get a sibling divorce?
VICKI GUNVALSON - No.
No comments:
Post a Comment