Frat Pad's just a couple 'a guys, watchin' sports, chuggin' beers, and havin' sex with each other. Photo - mtv.com |
At The Venetian, one of the biggest hotels in the world...
NAOMI - The Venetian? What's that?
MIKE MIKE - Oh, you know, just one of the biggest hotels in the world.
NAOMI - Sorry, doesn't ring a bell.
LEROY - Dustin, wanna go on the gondola with me?
DUSTIN ZITO - Ew, no. That's gay. But I'll ess your peen behind the Wheel of Fortune slot machines.
LEROY - And that's not gay?
DUSTIN ZITO - No. Wanting to feel another man's genitals against the soft inner part of your cheek is just a desire to experience a full range of oral sensations.
**Silence**.
DUSTIN ZITO - Ok, its kinda gay. Have fun on the gondola. I'm going to Subway.
Back at the Hard Rock...
HEATHER - Oh, look what came in the mail via the US Postal Service! A handwritten letter from my mother.
LEROY- Handwritten?! Who is she, Mike Mike?
MIKE MIKE - Heather's mother and I appreciate the thought that goes into handwritten notes. It's why I learned calligraphy.
HEATHER - Ahem. **reads aloud**
Dear Heather,
Your fuck buddy Spencer is all over the internet, tickling taints and nuzzling armpits.
Love, Mom.
PS - Have you been on the coaster at New York New York yet?
DUSTIN ZITO - **returning from lunch** Best. Sweet. Onion. Teriyaki. Ever.
NANY - Oh, I bet you know a thing or two about sweet onions.
DUSTIN ZITO - Oh shit. You all know, huh?
HEATHER - About you tickling taints and nuzzling armpits? Yes.
DUSTIN ZITO - What's wrong with showing affection to other men in the nude for a worldwide audience?
MIKE MIKE - Nothing. As long as you tell everyone you meet about it right away. Otherwise, you're a liar.
LEROY - So now you asking to suck my peen behind the Wheel of Fortune slot machines makes sense.
DUSTIN ZITO - That was just my way of dealing with my mother's bipolar disorder.
HEATHER - Uh, should I get tested?
DUSTIN ZITO - You bitch. How dare you worry about your sexual health when I'm suffering.
HEATHER - But seriously...
DUSTIN ZITO - Yeah, you'd probably better.
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