 |
| "Cooke" cooks up some trouble. photo - mtv.com |
HEATHER - Hi! I'm Heather.
COOKE - That's nice. Now step aside, blondie, I'm horny.
HEATHER - Uh, so, what's your name?
COOKE - Cooke.
HEATHER - Like cook, as in meth?
COOKE - Maybe where you come from, cracker.
HEATHER - I'm from New Jersey, which isn't particularly known for it's methamphetamine production, but I saw this documentary -
COOKE - Stop. It's Cooke, as in I'm gonna cook up a scheme to tap the ass of that shirtless gay dude who talks like Lil' Wayne.
HEATHER - Who, Zito? He's not gay. He's my boyfriend.
COOKE - Hahaha! Riiiight. I swear I recognize him, and I watch gay porn exclusively.
NANY - Not possible. They're, like, married.
COOKE - So? My parents were, like, married until my dad went camping with his best friend. Now I have two dads.
HEATHER - That's... interesting. Well, um, maybe we should all get to know each other better? What do you like to do for fun? I like reading the Twilight series.
COOKE - Uh huh, great. **spots Leroy** DAAAAAYUUUUUUM.... Who dat fine Wolverine?
NAOMI - He's sorta taken...
COOKE - I'm gonna be wearing that stylish Michigan tank by the end of the day. You just watch.
NAOMI - Oh yeah? See here, Smoker-Voice McButch, I will beat yo -
HEATHER - Naomi, be nice. So, Cooke, do you like tacos? There's a vagina-themed Mexican restaurant downstairs...
COOKE - **spots Mike Mike** Holy fuck. I've never seen a nerd look so sexy while reading the bible. I wanna score a goal with him. Soccer reference.
NAOMI - He's Christian-ier than Mike Huckabee.
COOKE - So? I'd fuck him, too.
HEATHER - **clears throat** Ahem. Well, you've got some big shoes to fill here, Cooke.
NANY - Adam was the best... He'd destroy property and make me give him bee jays when I was crying.
COOKE - Awwww yeaaahhh.... What's he look like?
NANY - Bitch, you better chill.
COOKE - Huh?
NANY - Stop trying to step to our men.
COOKE - Wha?
HEATHER - Yeah, I'm dropping this nice act. You about to get fucked up.
COOKE - What??? What'd I do? Why does everyone haaaaate meeeee?
**the girls kill Cooke while the guys eat Subway sandwiches**
No comments:
Post a Comment