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| Adam and Mike reenact a scene from "Frat Pad". |
DUSTIN - Oh, now you throwing me shade, son?
MIKE - Huh? What does that even mean?
DUSTIN - Who kissed Heather? Mike Mike. Who did I entrust with my deepest secrets, including my appearances in gay porn? Mike Mike. Who is now questioning what "throwing me shade" means? Mike Mike.
MIKE - It's Mike. Just one, not two Mikes.
DUSTIN - You disrespected me! In my own house!
MIKE - I'm pretty sure it's my own house, too.
ADAM - Mine too. **Breaks an Ikea vase over his knee**
MIKE - It didn't even mean anything. Her breath smelled like burritos from The Pink Taco.
DUSTIN - Don't use my girlfriend and pink taco in the same sentence, playa!
MIKE - Playa? I was a virgin until two weeks ago.
HEATHER - Girlfriend? We've know each other for four days.
DUSTIN - Correction. Four days, six hours and three seconds.
MIKE - Hairdresser Ryan from New Orleans is quickly losing his title as "craziest middle-class white boy" on this show.
DUSTIN - Crazy? You ain't seen crazy yet, son.
LEROY - Why do you keep talking like that?
DUSTIN - Like what?
LEROY - Like Eminem on his 20/20 interview.
NAOMI - Is anybody going to ask me what I think?
DUSTIN - Nobody cares, Jacquese.
SECURITY DUDE - Hey, it's me, head of Hard Rock security.
NANY - Where's the old chick from Rehab?
SECURITY DUDE - She gets summers off to visit her grandkids in Texas. Adam, we need to talk.
ADAM - Please don't send me back to juvy.
SECURITY DUDE - You're 22. You'd go to real jail. I'm here to speak to you about the amount of free alcohol provided by MTV and Hard Rock that you drink.
ADAM - Oh man, you all are trying to Ruthie me! I'm not going to a rehabilitation facility. The food sucks at those places.
SECURITY DUDE - No, I'm telling you to keep up the good work. This show wouldn't stay on the air without a resident drunk.
ADAM - Tits. **Hurls himself against an ikea lamp.**
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