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| Cedric and Lisa mingle with commoners at the DMV. - photo bravotv.com |
CEDRIC - Here we are at the DMV. I guess it's time to face the facts. We're becoming **gulp** Americans.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Ugh. There are so many... how do I put this... brown people here. I can't wait to get back to Beverly Hills, where everyone is normal and carries a small dog in their purse.
CEDRIC - Me too. I miss our house.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Our house?
CEDRIC - Er... I meant, your house. Oh god, please don't kick me out.
KIM RICHARDS - Hey, it's me, Kim Richards, here to take an eye test. I make bad jokes about birthing young children that aren't really mine and buying chicken in bulk.
SINGLE GARY - Hey, there, pretty lady. I like those things in a woman.
KIM RICHARDS - Let's ditch this pop stand and do some coke in an alley.
SINGLE GARY - Sounds fab. But first, let me pawn my granddaughter off on this nanny-looking lady here...
KIM RICHARDS - Which one?
SINGLE GARY - Hahahaha. Good one. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful fuck-buddy-ship. **they exit**
CEDRIC - Ah, yes. The "normalcy" of Beverly Hills folk.**flexes his breasts one at a time**
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Hey, it's me, Taylor Armstrong. Figured I'd stop by on the way to my charity poker game.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Sure, why not stop in at the DMV just because you happen to be driving past it?
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - Exactly! I'm still a little nervous about giving my speech, in which I'll tell victims of domestic abuse that they, too, could end up like me.
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - An undersexed, expressionless status-seeker with meat lips?
TAYLOR ARMSTRONG - No, asshole. A rich person in Beverly Hills. Jesus fuckin' Christ.
RUSSELL ARMSTRONG - Well, we'd best be going. A-listers like Kaeto Kaelin and the chick who played Jan in the Brady Bunch Movie are anxiously awaiting our arrival. **they exit**
KYLE ARMSTRONG - Hey, it's me, Kyle Richards. My vagina hurts.
MAURICIO UMANSKY - Mine too. Which line do we stand in?
LISA ARMSTRONG - I think you're mistaken... this is the DMV.
KYLE ARMSTRONG - Oh, we know that. So which line do we stand in?
CEDRIC - Let's, uh, go over here, Lisa, shall we? **pulls Lisa away from Kyle and Mauricio** Now that was weird.
PAUL NASSIF - Did somebody say weird? Because if you're talking about me and my wife and our matching sequined cowboy/cowgirl outfits, you're mistaken.
ADRIENNE MALOOF - There's nothing less weird than wearing a costume on a day other than October 31st at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
CEDRIC - You here to renew your licenses?
PAUL NASSIF - HAHAHAHAHAHA!
ADRIENNE MALOOF - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
CEDRIC - What's so funny?
PAUL NASSIF - You think we drive? As in, drive ourselves places? In cars?
ADRIENNE MALOOF - Honey, I own The Palms. Get real. **they exit**
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Hey, it's me, Camille Grammer.
LISA VANDERPUMP - Lemme guess. You're here to laugh at the poor people waiting in line?
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Nope. It's my first day on the job. The divorce was finalized this week.
CEDRIC - Ouch.
CAMILLE GRAMMER - Yep. Look out Selma and Patty. There's a new sheriff in town. **assumes her place behind the desk**
CEDRIC - Wow, Lisa. This has been quite an interesting day at the DMV.
LISA VANDERPUMP - You know what, Cedric? I've really underestimated these poor not-white people. They seem quite fantastic, especially compared to the strange people we know.
CEDRIC - Really?
LISA VANDERPUMP - Ew, no. It was a joke. Back to the Hills, we go!
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