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| Sheree Whitfield has a house in Cuba, which is cooler than anything you'll ever have. |
NENE LEAKES - Why's Sheree having a Spades party at Guantanamo Bay?
GREGG LEAKES - Damn it, NeNe, do you have to question everything? Can't you just enjoy this tropical getaway card game for what it is? This is why I want to divorce you.
NENE LEAKES - Uh uh, honey chile now, it's me that wants to divorce you. Don't get it twisted.
SHEREE WHITFIELD - **opens the door for them** Welcome to my humble Gitmo abode.
NENE LEAKES - So why do you have a vacation home in Cuba? Better yet, how do you have a vacation home in Cuba?
GREGG LEAKES - Damn it, NeNe, stop asking questions!
SHEREE WHITFIELD - It's ok, Gregg with two "G"s. It's just for when I want to perform an interrogation. C'mon in, everybody's here.
NENE LEAKES - Hey, y'all! I brought my Ipod!
SHEREE WHITFIELD - Feel free to have some hor d'œuvres before our inmate is brought in for questioning.
KANDI BURRUSS - Here's some small talk for you. 40 WEEKS! 40 WEEKS! That baby was full term!
CYNTHIA BAILEY - I knew it! Phaedra lies!
PETER THOMAS - But she didn't lie about her newborn covered in blood and guts being gross. A man can respect that kind of honesty.
DWIGHT EUBANKS - Just popping in to say Phaedra got pregnant by her husband on their wedding night. Thank youuuu... **exits**
KANDI BURRUSS - Damn. That was a long trip to make just for one sentence.
PETER THOMAS - It was actually two, but still.
**they all hear loud moaning**
SHEREE WHITFIELD - Don't mind that. Just another interrogation next door. Oh, here's Dr. Tiy-E Muhammad, now.
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Hello. Even though I don't know any of you and have no way of knowing your religious affiliation, I'm going to command you to circle up and pray.
LISA WU HARTWELL - Pray over a card game?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes, ma'am.
LISA WU HARTWELL - Do you pray before you binge drink and have premarital sex, too?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes. Yes, I do.
**they pray.**
SHEREE WHITFIELD - Now that we've got that bullshit out of the way... won't you sit in this chair, doctor?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Of course. Does someone need my therapeutic services?
SHEREE WHITFIELD - Nope **shines blindingly bright light on him** Nene, you're up first.
NENE LEAKES - Hello, doctor. I know you. You were on Ricki Lake once.
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes. It's true.
NENE LEAKES - Was she still fat at that particular time?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - I don't want to answer that.
**Sheree turns "My Own Prison" by Creed on at a deafening level.**
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Aaaaah! Ok, ok, I'll talk. She was still fat!
NENE LEAKES - Thank you. Lisa? I believe it's your turn to question the inmate.
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Inmate?
NENE LEAKES - If you want Sheree Whitfield's thighs of steel to put you in a head lock, you've gotta undergo intense questioning. Lisa?
LISA WU HARTWELL - Thank you, former cast mate. So, good doctor, where did you go to college?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Eastern Illinois University and Southern Illinois University.
LISA WU HARTWELL - And?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - That's it. Two fabulous Midwestern schools, Tony Romo among the distinguished alum of the former.
NENE LEAKES - The rib guy?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - That's Tony Roma. Those are the only schools I studied at.
**Sheree drops freezing water onto his bald spot.**
LISA WU HARTWELL - And? Where else, doctor? Where else?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Oh god, it burns... Ashland University!!!
LISA WU HARTWELL - And where is Ashland University's campus for doctoral students?
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - I plead the fifth! You can't make me talk! I have rights!
**Sheree switches the water to orange juice**.
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ahhhh!!!! It's so acidic on my bare scalp!!! It's online, ok? It's online! But it's accredited!
SHEREE WHITFIELD - FYI, I only date men with online degrees if they're also currently on the payroll of a National Football League team. I believe we only have one more question. Kandi?
KANDI BURRUSS - Hello, doctor. I've been wondering... **sings** Where do you stay when you traaaavel? Whoooooooaaaaa....
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ritz-Carlton, just like all of you.
KANDI BURRUSS - **sings** Ooooooh reallllllyyyy? Whoooooaaaaa.....
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Yes, really. Why wouldn't I?
**Kim Zolciak appears in lingerie, singing her new hit single "Google Me".**
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Oh no. Oh no. This is the worst kind of torture a man could endure. What about the Geneva Convention!?!?
SHEREE WHITFIELD - Doesn't apply to enemy combatants. And you are an enemy combatant of good taste.
KIM ZOLCIAK - **starts to remove her lingerie** "G-O-O-G-L-E meeeeeeeeeeee.....
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ok, ok, I stay at Sheratons.
KIM ZOLCIAK - **starts to remove her wig** Click them keys...
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Ahhhhh! HOLIDAY INN! HOLIDAY INN!
SHEREE WHITFIELD - I knew it. Bald and poor.
MICHAEL MOORE - **from outside, with a bullhorn** I'm here, doctor! Here to save you and offer free health insurance, because you're unemployed and all!
DR. TIY-E MUHAMMAD - Gotta go. It's been real. **runs to Michael Moore**
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