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| Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.). calls Tareq and Michaele Salahi out on their stupid white privilege, demands that they be sent straight to Hades. |
Outside the White House...
MICHAELE SALAHI - Hi, gorgeous! We're here for the state dinner! Mwah!
WHITE HOUSE SECURITY - Who are you, exactly? And what's your relationship with President Obama?
TAREQ SALAHI - Well, I used to be the general manager of a winery that Craig Robinson, Michelle's brother, drove by once on his way to Richmond.
WHITE HOUSE SECURITY - That's a pretty shaky connection, Tubby.
MICHAELE SALAHI - But look at us... We're white. And middle aged. And dressed in expensive brands.
WHITE HOUSE SECURITY - GP. Good point. You may proceed. Give Joe Biden a pat on the chest for me.
At Cape Canaveral...
TAREQ SALAHI - Hi, we're trying to get on this rocket ship to the moon.
NASA DUDE - Have you undergone all the medical tests? Tubby over there doesn't look like he'd pass any of the fitness exams.
MICHAELE SALAHI - But we're white. And in our 40s.
TAREQ SALAHI - And unlike Lance Bass, we're straight.
NASA DUDE -You make a compelling argument. Go get on that rocket ship!
At the Pearly Gates...
MICHAELE SALAHI - Hi, we're trying to bypass hell and go straight to heaven.
GOD - Yikes, I dunno, guys. You've fucked up quite a bit, according to Fox News.
TAREQ SALAHI - But I look like Matthew Perry after he kicked his painkiller habit. You know, white, mid-40s, you recognize him from somewhere but can't quite place him...
GOD - Haha, I do love that guy. Could I BE anymore addicted to vicodin?
TAREQ SALAHI - Good one, God.
GOD - Thanks, Tubby. Alright, go on in.
REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.) - WAIT!!!!
GOD - What's the big idea?
REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.) - I'm Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.). And I'm here to tell you that the Salahis should go to Hell. Literally.
TAREQ SALAHI - Are you really gonna listen to this guy, God?
GOD - Let's hear him out. I like what he's done for the Katrina peeps.
REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.) - 'ppreciate that, God. Ok. These two pieces of shit have gotten away with the biggest scams in history, just because they're white, middle age, and wear second-hand Armani.
TAREQ SALAHI - Sure, it's second-hand, if Giorgio giving it to you off of his own back is second-hand.
REP. BENNIE THOMPSON (D-MISS.) - Fuck you. God, do you think people would give a grifter black couple the benefit of the doubt?
GOD - You're right, Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.). To Hell you go, Salahis.
TAREQ & MICHAELE SALAHI - NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The Salahis are stuck shoveling baby poop for eternity in Hell, Michigan while Karl Rove raps constantly in their ears and Linda Tripp walks around naked.
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