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| Everyone hates the Giudices, because they are awful people. |
ALBERT MANZO - Ever consider taking a trip without the kids? Maybe leaving them with Super Nanny Jo Frost?
TERESA GIUDICE - I don't go anywhere wid out all four a-my kids. Not even da shower.
CAROLINE MANZO - Still... Jo Frost. Think about it.
ALBERT - Strenuous hikes up steep hills and lavish wine-soaked dinners are a little much for kids with these... uh... behavioral circumstances.
TERESA -Whatevah. Milania, put down da Chianti! Ain't she da cutest?
JOE GIUDICE - Hey shit faces. The fuckin' bus is here.
On the coach bus to Sala Consilina...
TERESA - Attention, everybody! Gia will be providin' our in-bus entertainment for da next three hours and ten minutes!
GIA - **clears throat** Ahem.
"If you're horny
Let's do it.
Ride it.
My pony."
**gyrates suggestively on Chris Laurita's leg**
TERESA - Yeah, Gia! Work dat body roll!
CAROLINE - How old is Gia now? Nine?
TERESA - Eight. We're hopin' to get her in a Chris Brown video within the next six ta eight months.
ALBERT - If Joe's pizza parlor profits can't buy you Chanel, that sure will.
TERESA - Huh?
ALBERT - Nothing.
MILANIA - **licks Albert's bare head for four straight minutes.** Salty. Salty.
TERESA - Milania, you're gonna dry out your tongue! How you gonna say "fabulous" wit no saliva?
ALBERT - It's ok. It'll dry and leave a thin film. Probably protect it from sun damage or something.
JOE - Ok, motherfuckers. We're fuckin' here.
On the steep, strenuous hike up the Sala Consilina hill...
GABRIELLA - **stabs Caroline in the shin repeatedly with a Kesha action figure's knee high boot.** Tik tok! Tik tok!
CAROLINE - What the-
TERESA - Gabriella, you're dulling da heal on Kesha's boot!
CAROLINE - Nevermind dulling the density of my shin bone.
TERESA - Now I gotta buy new brand boots for da Kesha doll.
CAROLINE - Ow.
AUDRIANA GIUDICE - **uses her infant superpowers to push a baby pig off the cliff. A small child below is killed instantly from the impact.**
ALBERT - Hey, Ti Ti?
TERESA - Yeah?
ALBERT - The baby just pushed a pig off the cliff. A small child below was killed instantly from the impact.
TERESA - Oh, crap. Audriana, now you got pig germs all over your hands, and I forgot to bring sanitizer.
JOE - Kids, know what I mean?
TERESA - Hey, look! It's Joe's grandma! Grandma Giudice, come meet my beautiful, beautiful babies!
GRANDMA GIUDICE - **in Italian** They are ugly, stupid, and poor behaved. You are bad parents.
TERESA - What'd she say?
JOE - She loves 'em. Now let's get the fuck outta here.
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