All the Juviderm, Botox, Restylane and other emotion-erasing cosmetic products in the world can't extinguish the intense love a birth mother feels when she first lays eyes on her daughter.
At the Oakland Diner in Oakland, New Jersey...
DANIELLE STAUB: Whoever she is, my birth mother's gotta be proud of me. Look at my successes... A television show, a book deal...
KIM G: A sex tape, a Colombian cartel...
DANIELLE: You bitch. You fucking bitch.
KIM G: It was just a joke!
DANIELLE: What I didn't want, or need, or ask for, is your pathetic excuse for a joke. I don't expect, or anticipate, or foresee, that you'll live to see another day once my buddy Danny gets here. Ah, he just pulled up.
KIM G: No, Danielle! Nooooooo!
DANIELLE: (in the parking lot) Danny! Thank Allah you're here. Ready to fuck up that blue-haired butt-crack bitch?
DANNY PROVENZANO: No, Danielle, I've come for another reason entirely.
DANIELLE: What, you want the rest of my Disco Fries?
DANNY: If only it were that simple.
DANIELLE: Why are you talking like that? I haven't heard one
"ain't" or "fag" out of you yet. I'm scared.
DANNY: You might want to sit down for this.
DANIELLE: Good thing there's a dildo sitting upright on this curb. Ah, New Jersey.
DANNY: You see, back in 1912, when I was 14, I met a kindly widower from Palermo. He had an eggplant farm and a glass eye. He took me behind the 7-11 - yes, they still had those back in 1912 - and taught me a little about life. Do you know what I mean, Danielle?
DANIELLE: That's when you learned to play Corn Hole?
DANNY: You could say that. Vincenzo was his name, and after thirteen minutes of an intense Slurpee massage, he planted a seed in me. A seed that would one day grow to be Beverly Merrill.
DANIELLE: Huh? That's my old name.
DANNY: Yes. Luke, I am your mother.
DANIELLE: Who's Luke?
DANNY: That's you.
DANIELLE: Oh. So you're my birth mother?
DANNY: Yes, and you're my birth daughter.
DANIELLE: Wow, that's a lot to digest.
DANNY: Here's a Maalox.
DANIELLE: Thanks. You do have that maternal instinct, afterall. Mom.
DANNY: I never thought that word would sound so good. But it does. It really does. You see, I once had a functioning lady womb. But God decided to close it for business after what he called "the devil's spawn" was born. He thought the universe might be at risk if I were to produce another one.
DANIELLE: So now you're a man?
DANNY: Some say yes, some say no. But no matter what anyone says, Danielle, that you're a whore, a skank, a bitch,
DANIELLE: Nut job, don't forget nut job.
DANNY: Yes, that too. Or that you look the Grinch, or that you have square tits, or that you have enough venereal diseases to rival a 62-year-old Slovenian whore -
DANIELLE: Ok, that's a fuckin' nuff.
DANNY: Sorry. I got carried anyway. Just know that, despite the fact that the entire Bravo viewing audience is in unanimous agreement about everything listed above, Iiiiiiiii, will always love youuuuuuuuuu.
DANIELLE: I love you, too, Mommy. Want to make a sex tape and score some cash?
DANNY: Does a bear shit in the woods?
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