Real Housewives of DC Episode 2 - "Disloyal to the Party"

Tareq and Michaele Salahi are about as close to Virginia royalty as one can get.



MICHAELE SALAHI -  Welcome to Paul Wharton's birthday party!

TAREQ SALAHI - Paul is now 37, and we've put a non-refundable five grand deposit on this room, just for him!

MICHAELE - Now that that's all out of the way, please direct your attention to us.

TAREQ - Watch, friends of Paul, as we slice open this bottle of moonshine brewed in our Virginia barn from former Governor George Allen's own recipe.

MICHAELE - We know him. He's really sorry about the "macaca" thing.

TAREQ - Whoops, got a little moonshine on your dress there, Lynda.

LYNDA ERKILETIAN - Fuck you.

TAREQ - Next, friends of Paul, Michaele and I would like to recite a birthday poem written by U.S. Congressman Jim Moran especially for Paul.


MICHAELE - We know him, too. He once went Number Two in our master bathroom. We saved it.


TAREQ - Here goes.

"To Michaele and Tareq.
At first I thought 'ick.'
But now I think you're fine.
And you make real good wine.
Love, U.S. Congressman Jim Moran."

LYNDA - What does that have to do with Paul's birthday?

MICHAELE - Oh, Lynda. First, you date a 17-year-old black kid for attention. But this? It's too much.

TAREQ - Tonight's about Paul, Lynda.

MICHAELE - And now, friends of Paul, pay attention as we take a lap around the room in clothing spun by the hands of noneother than Sally Hemings, slave and mistress of Thomas Jefferson and a close personal friend.


MARY AMONS - She's been dead for 150 years!


TAREQ - Mary, please. You're embarrassing yourself.

MICHAELE -  You just can't stand to see someone else in the spotlight, can you, Mary? Ugh.

TAREQ - Finally, friends of Paul, just when you thought we knew everyone in Virginia history, we bring to you a presentation of Michaele's eating habits.

MICHAELE - I learned how not to eat from the early Jamestown settlers. John Rolfe used to play polo with Tareq.


TAREQ - Oh, I guess Paul wants to say something. Whatever.

PAUL WHARTON - Um, hey everybody. Thanks for coming. I hope you have a great time.


MICHAELE - You done?


PAUL - I guess.


TAREQ - Good, take a seat. We're about to trot from table to table on Sparkle, a direct descendant of BlueSkin, George Washington's mare.