The Hills Episode 2 - "Rumor Has It"

Scene I

KRISTIN: Thanks for coming to my Freaks Who Have Overstayed Their Welcome in Young Hollywood Barbecue, everybody. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. And I'm gonna help myself to the sweet, sweet blow in the master bathroom. Peace!

RYAN CABRERA: Hey, I just stopped by as I was "on the waaaaay doooooown." Remember those lyrics? From my marginally popular 2004 song of the same name? Those hot dogs look great!

AUDRINA: Vacant stare. Coleslaw. Vacant stare.

SPENCER: Time for my crystal rub-down, before the tough meat on these ribs stresses me out to the point of a destructive breakdown.

HEIDI: Look, barbecued chicken breasts! I wonder if Dr. Frank Ryan could find a way to stuff these into my chest cavity.

STEPHANIE: **sniff sniff** BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SPENCER IS SOOOOOO MEEEEEEAAAAN! **sniff** Ooooh, is that three-bean salad?

KRISTIN: Hey, I'm back from my solo drug sesh. Where'd everybody go?

LO: Oh, this alien dude showed up and offered to take them to his planet where they'd all be relevant again.

KRISTIN: Shut up! Seriously?

LO: No. Your kebabs gave everyone the shits and they had to go home.



Scene II

STEPHANIE: I didn't start those rumors about you.

KRISTIN: Sha right.

STEPHANIE: Uh... yes. "Sha" right, if you will. I'm just concerned about your drug problem.

KRISTIN: I do have a problem. PSYCH!

STEPHANIE: Psychological? Now we're getting somewhere! It's often a root cause of addiction.

KRISTIN: Duh hickey.

STEPHANIE: Right, right. Odd sexual encounters, like hickeys, are often a consequence of substance abuse.

KRISTIN: No doi.

STEPHANIE: I think I see what's going on here. Can we have an honest discussion, or are you going to keep responding with sarcastic catch phrases from the 90s?

KRISTIN: Alright, I'll stop.

STEPHANIE: Ok, good.

KRISTIN: NOT!